I don't really know what to write tonight, but I have a feeling that there are things in me that need to be said. What those are, I'm not quite sure.
I'll start with just saying something that we all hear, we all say back and forth like a broken record, God is good. Seriously. God is so good. God is good. God is good. God is good. All the time. All the time, God is good. In the words of Yoda: Good all the time God is. GOD IS GOOD. God is really really really really good. God is so inexpressibly good. And He's inexpressibly good all the time. All the time as in when we're sleeping, eating, drinking, pooping, talking, thinking, going through hard times, going through good times. He's good when we're sick, diseased and broken. He's good when we are on top of the world in our careers, ministry or school. He's good when others lie to us, use us, abuse us, rip us off, forget us. He's good when we have no food or money or living in a cardboard box watching people who have enough food, money and clothes to keep a family alive for a century walk by without even making eye contact with us. He's good when our dreams and desires are fulfilled. He's good when we don't have the courage, the strength, the ability, the motivation, the love, the compassion, the health, the wealth to do what we are called to do. He's good when our candidate doesn't win. He's good when social injustice is rampant, when justice is far from us. He's good in war. He's good in peace. He's good when we're alone and when we're surrounded by our closest friends.
People. He is good all the time.
All the time.
With that in mind - God answers prayers. Even ridiculous ones that I say when I am so emotionally wrecked and worn out. It's crazy how when we come to the end of ourselves that our true spirits speak. When we are so broken inside that only raw emotions are left, that's when we pour out what is really in our hearts. Our real desires are shown. Papa knows our hearts and desires anyways, but I think that we touch His heart when we let our hearts be shown and open before Him. Of course, it goes the other way too. After we've been broken and open before Him once, the ability to hear the Spirit speak to us - spirit to spirit - comes with ease. It takes practice though, I'm finding. But I want to hear Him like I can hear my best friend. I can hear my friends' laughter in any crowd. I can pick out a close friend's voice from a group. That's the way it should be with my Papa. I want to be able to hear Him anywhere and pick out His voice from the others that would try to distract and deceive me. And guys, He answers our prayers. He hears us. And then He speaks.
Sometimes, God wants to speak more than we want to listen.
But I want to listen. I want to learn. I want to be so intimate with my Redeemer that there is no way I could miss Him speaking. He still speaks. Our God is the same God that He was in the Garden of Eden that walked and talked with Adam and Eve; the same God that came in visions and dreams to the prophets and followers of Christ of old. He longs to do that with us still today. He wants to pour His Spirit out on us. We have to give Him permission though. We have to let Him in, let Him have His way in us. Crazy stuff happens when we meet with Jesus.
He loves us with reckless abandon. He passionately pursues us. He doesn't give up on us. What would happen if we let Jesus really love us and we stopped comparing ourselves to others? I think things that we consider radical but that Jesus considers normal would happen. I mean, He tells us that we will do miracles and wonders and miraculous signs - greater ones than He did! - but for most of us, we never do. We live our lives without reaching our potential in Him. So "crazy", "charismatic" things should be the norm, right? But, at least for me, I'm terrified of people. I'm paralyzed by the fear of rejection and the fear of what they will think of me. But I have the Spirit of power, love and self discipline!! I don't have the spirit of timidity! And I have the promises of God to give me courage and strength. Pretty cool. We can do the stuff they were doing in the Gospels and Acts. We serve the same God, yeah? So what's keeping us back? It's time to turn our mindset away from ourselves and get our eyes back on what they are supposed to be fixed on - the Author and Perfecter of our faith. It turns out people don't think the things about us that we think they think about us. Satan is such a good liar. Good thing we have the Truth in our hearts. We just have to listen to the truth instead of the lies. That's easier said than done. But when Satan is being a meanie and lying to us we can run like little kids run to their daddy when they have been bullied. Our Papa wants to tell us how much He loves us and wants us and desires us and how has the best planned for us.
Well. This got a wee bit rabbit-trailish... That's what I get for not taking the time to write my thoughts out...
Hey guys. God is so good. All the time. :)
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Leaving my Street
In Annie, one of my favorite movies, Annie tells Mr. Warbucks that she has never seen NYC even though she has lived there her entire life. I was always so confused about how that could even be possible. NYC is such a huge city with so many places and landmarks to go explore. How could you possibly contain yourself to just a few nearby streets when the whole city was there for the taking? I understand how that is possible now. I have lived in the same city for a month, and I have been hardly anywhere in it, let alone left it.
There is so much that could be seen here. There is so much that could be done. And there is a whole country to be seen outside of this city.
I realized one day last week that I hadn't gone anywhere off the street that I live on for about 3 days. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? My brain doesn't comprehend how that could happen.
City living is the polar opposite of country living. In the city there is no need to drive anywhere, for me there is really no need to leave this street. I have a couple grocery stores, a mall, a couple pubs, two icecream shops, a bunch of restaurants, post office, and a couple banks within 4 minutes of walking. How incredibly different from home! There's a few houses within four minutes of walking... A couple fields... That's about it. There's even been a few days that I literally have not left the building. Absolutely crazy.
When I first got here, I thought this city was huge, unending. It's really not though. My perception has changed. It is still overwhelming to think of the pain and poverty and oppression contained in these city streets. When I allow that thought to overwhelm me, it paralyzes me - keeps me from doing the good I know I ought to do. I love the quote from Mother Teresa: "Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love." And that helps me focus not on the masses, but on the homeless man sleeping on a cardboard box in the metro station or the lonely old lady waving and blowing kisses from her window. Focusing not on problems in mass gives people individual worth. Instead of numbers, it gives people faces.
There is so much more to do, to see, to be than what we isolate ourselves to. We get caught in our street of comfortable safety, the street that we know. We don't venture out of that safe zone. We don't experience all the wonder and beauty that is just around the corner. I guess this really isn't just contained to where we live but how we live. I stayed in my safe zone of friends, people that I was comfortable with, who knew me. It is still so hard for me to venture out and to be vulnerable with new people. But then I think about all of the beautiful friendships I could have if I realized that people actually aren't scary. They're people, just like me. They have their insecurities too. So, if I ignore my insecurities, others might ignore theirs and something wonderful might occur. I can imagine a world where people aren't scared of what others think of their outward appearance because the focus is on who they are not what they look like. I can imagine a world where we honor people not because of their performance or abilities, looks or wealth, but we honor them because they are created in the image and likeness of a God who loves all of us unconditionally. Maybe if I face my fears, those around me will have the courage to face theirs. Maybe if I let myself be me, others can be free to be who they were made to be.
Our lives are about relationship, community. Our lives are about love. I can do anything I want, but if I don't do it with love toward the individual - the person, the soul, the life - it is a wasted action.
So all of that to say, this city's not so big. But it is at the same time.
There is so much that could be seen here. There is so much that could be done. And there is a whole country to be seen outside of this city.
City living is the polar opposite of country living. In the city there is no need to drive anywhere, for me there is really no need to leave this street. I have a couple grocery stores, a mall, a couple pubs, two icecream shops, a bunch of restaurants, post office, and a couple banks within 4 minutes of walking. How incredibly different from home! There's a few houses within four minutes of walking... A couple fields... That's about it. There's even been a few days that I literally have not left the building. Absolutely crazy.
When I first got here, I thought this city was huge, unending. It's really not though. My perception has changed. It is still overwhelming to think of the pain and poverty and oppression contained in these city streets. When I allow that thought to overwhelm me, it paralyzes me - keeps me from doing the good I know I ought to do. I love the quote from Mother Teresa: "Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love." And that helps me focus not on the masses, but on the homeless man sleeping on a cardboard box in the metro station or the lonely old lady waving and blowing kisses from her window. Focusing not on problems in mass gives people individual worth. Instead of numbers, it gives people faces.
There is so much more to do, to see, to be than what we isolate ourselves to. We get caught in our street of comfortable safety, the street that we know. We don't venture out of that safe zone. We don't experience all the wonder and beauty that is just around the corner. I guess this really isn't just contained to where we live but how we live. I stayed in my safe zone of friends, people that I was comfortable with, who knew me. It is still so hard for me to venture out and to be vulnerable with new people. But then I think about all of the beautiful friendships I could have if I realized that people actually aren't scary. They're people, just like me. They have their insecurities too. So, if I ignore my insecurities, others might ignore theirs and something wonderful might occur. I can imagine a world where people aren't scared of what others think of their outward appearance because the focus is on who they are not what they look like. I can imagine a world where we honor people not because of their performance or abilities, looks or wealth, but we honor them because they are created in the image and likeness of a God who loves all of us unconditionally. Maybe if I face my fears, those around me will have the courage to face theirs. Maybe if I let myself be me, others can be free to be who they were made to be.
Our lives are about relationship, community. Our lives are about love. I can do anything I want, but if I don't do it with love toward the individual - the person, the soul, the life - it is a wasted action.
So all of that to say, this city's not so big. But it is at the same time.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Community, Sheep and Voices.
Living in a community setting is so different. And sometimes hard. There is so much joy to be found in sharing and living together though. We are meant to be communal, but, if we are in it selfishly, we miss out on what it could actually be. Living in community is about corporate good not individual gain. It is about looking past the outer layers and shells of people and seeing their real needs, and having a desire to meet those needs. It's looking past personality differences and seeing them the way Jesus sees them. And it's about seeing Jesus in them. If we are focused on Jesus, silly things that frustrate and annoy us become much less time and energy consuming.
On a different note... It always amazes me how God chooses to speak to me and others. And it's incredible how, when we take time and make time to hear from Him, He will speak. Maybe it will be through images, impressions, words or verses. Or maybe He won't speak right then at all. Do we have the faith to let Him not speak right when we expect or want Him to?
I love how God uses others to confirm and encourage you. And then how we can turn around and do the same for others. I think the gift of encouragement is one of the most precious gifts God has given us. Not only does it build up others, but it also gives affirmation to you that God does speak and He does care. When we put encouragement together with deep, heartfelt Jesus-love for others, the way that lives can change are endless. Even better, God's voice will always be strengthening, encouraging, and comforting.
We have to be careful though; we can be so easily deceived.
Jesus compares people to sheep frequently in the Gospels, but it is also a very common comparison in the entire Bible. I've heard tons of sermons and read lots of devotionals about the whole sheep people thing. But hearing God's voice is something that I've been struggling with a lot over the last year or so. How do I know when it's God and when it's something or someone else?
But sheep. Sheep are stupid, but so are we. There is something cool about sheep though - especially sheep from the Bible times. Or maybe sheep in the mountains of Scotland or Wales. Or in Shorty's barn. They know the voice of their shepherd. They also know when the person speaking is not their shepherd. Jesus says over and over, "I know my sheep and my sheep know me" and "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me". I love this verse: "But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice."
If I am a sheep....... I should know my Shepherd's voice. I should be able to distinguish between the One who wants to make me lie down in green pastures and lead me beside still waters and the evil one who wants to lead me far from safety and into the wilderness where lions want to tear me apart and there is no food or water to satisfy me.
Therefore Jesus said again, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
Why would I not spend time with my sweet Redeemer so that I recognize His voice? Just like anyone that you love, you can pick out their voice or their laugh in any crowd of people in any situation. Shouldn't that be the way it is between me and Jesus? I want to run far away from anything that keeps me from knowing and hearing His voice. I am desperate to know Him more.
Food for thought: What if God wants to speak more than we want to listen?
On a different note... It always amazes me how God chooses to speak to me and others. And it's incredible how, when we take time and make time to hear from Him, He will speak. Maybe it will be through images, impressions, words or verses. Or maybe He won't speak right then at all. Do we have the faith to let Him not speak right when we expect or want Him to?
I love how God uses others to confirm and encourage you. And then how we can turn around and do the same for others. I think the gift of encouragement is one of the most precious gifts God has given us. Not only does it build up others, but it also gives affirmation to you that God does speak and He does care. When we put encouragement together with deep, heartfelt Jesus-love for others, the way that lives can change are endless. Even better, God's voice will always be strengthening, encouraging, and comforting.
We have to be careful though; we can be so easily deceived.
Jesus compares people to sheep frequently in the Gospels, but it is also a very common comparison in the entire Bible. I've heard tons of sermons and read lots of devotionals about the whole sheep people thing. But hearing God's voice is something that I've been struggling with a lot over the last year or so. How do I know when it's God and when it's something or someone else?
But sheep. Sheep are stupid, but so are we. There is something cool about sheep though - especially sheep from the Bible times. Or maybe sheep in the mountains of Scotland or Wales. Or in Shorty's barn. They know the voice of their shepherd. They also know when the person speaking is not their shepherd. Jesus says over and over, "I know my sheep and my sheep know me" and "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me". I love this verse: "But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice."
If I am a sheep....... I should know my Shepherd's voice. I should be able to distinguish between the One who wants to make me lie down in green pastures and lead me beside still waters and the evil one who wants to lead me far from safety and into the wilderness where lions want to tear me apart and there is no food or water to satisfy me.
Therefore Jesus said again, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
Why would I not spend time with my sweet Redeemer so that I recognize His voice? Just like anyone that you love, you can pick out their voice or their laugh in any crowd of people in any situation. Shouldn't that be the way it is between me and Jesus? I want to run far away from anything that keeps me from knowing and hearing His voice. I am desperate to know Him more.
Food for thought: What if God wants to speak more than we want to listen?
Monday, September 17, 2012
Brussels Impressions
I can't believe that I am writing this from the 6th floor of an old building in Brussels, which I now call home. Never would I have imagined that this would be my life at this time, but I don't think I would trade it for anything.
Trams run loudly through the streets. Voices call to each other. Boisterous laughter fills the air. Languages from all over the world chatter back and forth in a kind of international dish - each language a spice that adds flavor to the taste. A moped goes by like an angry hornet. The night life of Brussels.
I sat on the roof this evening skyping with a friend. I was blown away by what I saw while I was up there. The city goes on and on - an unending sea of tiled roofs and tall buildings. You can sense the history of each terrace and balcony. The sun and clouds created an aura of a time not that long ago when maybe life was simpler and the need to be busy was not a thing to be concerned with. When maybe time was really like the old photographs.
The noise is unending. Some say Brussels is a spiritually dead city - that it is not ever going to change. I don't believe that. Noise means life. It's when we become silent that we die inside.
As I've wandered through Brussels the last two days, I keep asking myself what a small town Oregon girl is doing in a city like this. God must have me confused with another Katy from the States. I stand by these old buildings and monuments surrounded by people I can't understand, and I feel so small. But I know I'm not. Face after face, soul after soul walk by me. I can't help but wonder what their story is, what they have been through, what they will be. I remember that I am here to tell them my story about where I have been and what God has made me to be. I am not really all that small. I have a place here in Brussels. I have a purpose. I might not understand what my purpose is yet, but it is not to simply be another face in the crowd.
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. Make your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands." Ps. 90:12-17
Melted milk chocolate on a freshly baked waffle is life changing.
Trams run loudly through the streets. Voices call to each other. Boisterous laughter fills the air. Languages from all over the world chatter back and forth in a kind of international dish - each language a spice that adds flavor to the taste. A moped goes by like an angry hornet. The night life of Brussels.
The noise is unending. Some say Brussels is a spiritually dead city - that it is not ever going to change. I don't believe that. Noise means life. It's when we become silent that we die inside.
As I've wandered through Brussels the last two days, I keep asking myself what a small town Oregon girl is doing in a city like this. God must have me confused with another Katy from the States. I stand by these old buildings and monuments surrounded by people I can't understand, and I feel so small. But I know I'm not. Face after face, soul after soul walk by me. I can't help but wonder what their story is, what they have been through, what they will be. I remember that I am here to tell them my story about where I have been and what God has made me to be. I am not really all that small. I have a place here in Brussels. I have a purpose. I might not understand what my purpose is yet, but it is not to simply be another face in the crowd.
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. Make your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands." Ps. 90:12-17
Melted milk chocolate on a freshly baked waffle is life changing.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Reigniting
I've been living the dream this summer. From 5 weeks of camp to some of the best times with my closest friends to flying halfway across the world to spend 7 weeks with one of the coolest people ever to now getting ready to live in Belgium for 6 months. I am so blessed.
But... There is something not quite right. I know exactly what it is. I just don't know how to fix it.
How do you reignite your passion for the best thing you have in your life? How do you regain your desire for your first love? And why did I lose my passion and desire for my Beloved when I need to be close to Him so badly right now?
I think I go in circles. One day I can't get enough of Him, the next I don't want to even spend 5 minutes with Him. I know what's wrong with the off days. I turn my eyes away from Jesus. I start looking at myself and those around me. I compare myself to them, beat myself down for what I deceive myself into thinking are things that make me less than what I really am. I stop focusing on where my heart is supposed to be. I get caught up in what I want selfishly for me.
I think that's what affects my "good" days. I'll go to camp, or hear a sermon that touches my heart, and then BAM! "You're not good enough." And there goes my good day. There goes my focus and my desire. Me. My lack of self confidence. Or more like my confidence in the God who created me just the way I am for a reason.
Now I'm supposed to be going on a 6 month missions trip. I want to be living like I'm on a missions trip now. Like I am called to do. God has someone He wants us to reach out to everyday. And how many days have I let myself sit in self pity and regret instead of doing what I was made to do? Too many. Far too many.
I read a little book a couple times in the last month called The Prayer of Jabez. In it, the author tells a story of a guy who dies and goes to heaven. Peter is showing (we'll call him) George around the pearly mansions, and they come to a building that Peter is reluctant to show. George insists on going in. He finds boxes with names on them. He asks Peter if he has one. Peter slowly nods his head yes, but tells George that he really doesn't want to know what is in it. George, of course, doesn't listen. He finds his box and opens it. Thousands of memories pour out, each with a different ending than what actually happens. Each one was an opportunity that God wanted to bless George with, but George had always been to busy to look for them or even ask to see! George closed the box, full of remorse. What a life he could have had.
I don't want to be George. I don't want to look back on my life and see regret. I want to ask for blessings. I want to make the most of every opportunity. I don't want to have been so focused on me, that I miss you walking by me, hurting and in need of what I hold in my heart. I want to live the life God has for me - to the fullest.
I think it's time for the good days to start again. Right now.
But... There is something not quite right. I know exactly what it is. I just don't know how to fix it.
How do you reignite your passion for the best thing you have in your life? How do you regain your desire for your first love? And why did I lose my passion and desire for my Beloved when I need to be close to Him so badly right now?
I think I go in circles. One day I can't get enough of Him, the next I don't want to even spend 5 minutes with Him. I know what's wrong with the off days. I turn my eyes away from Jesus. I start looking at myself and those around me. I compare myself to them, beat myself down for what I deceive myself into thinking are things that make me less than what I really am. I stop focusing on where my heart is supposed to be. I get caught up in what I want selfishly for me.
I think that's what affects my "good" days. I'll go to camp, or hear a sermon that touches my heart, and then BAM! "You're not good enough." And there goes my good day. There goes my focus and my desire. Me. My lack of self confidence. Or more like my confidence in the God who created me just the way I am for a reason.
Now I'm supposed to be going on a 6 month missions trip. I want to be living like I'm on a missions trip now. Like I am called to do. God has someone He wants us to reach out to everyday. And how many days have I let myself sit in self pity and regret instead of doing what I was made to do? Too many. Far too many.
I read a little book a couple times in the last month called The Prayer of Jabez. In it, the author tells a story of a guy who dies and goes to heaven. Peter is showing (we'll call him) George around the pearly mansions, and they come to a building that Peter is reluctant to show. George insists on going in. He finds boxes with names on them. He asks Peter if he has one. Peter slowly nods his head yes, but tells George that he really doesn't want to know what is in it. George, of course, doesn't listen. He finds his box and opens it. Thousands of memories pour out, each with a different ending than what actually happens. Each one was an opportunity that God wanted to bless George with, but George had always been to busy to look for them or even ask to see! George closed the box, full of remorse. What a life he could have had.
I don't want to be George. I don't want to look back on my life and see regret. I want to ask for blessings. I want to make the most of every opportunity. I don't want to have been so focused on me, that I miss you walking by me, hurting and in need of what I hold in my heart. I want to live the life God has for me - to the fullest.
I think it's time for the good days to start again. Right now.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Psalm 27
Psalm 27. Quite possibly my favorite Psalm out all 150 of them. I turn to this one when I feel down and depressed, confused, lonely. But I also look to it when I just want to express my feeling of secureness and joy in Christ.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident." (vs 1- 3)
So, I'm not King David. I don't have thousands and thousands of people trying to kill me. I don't think that anyone hates me... At least, I hope not! But I've read all of them Psalms in the last two weeks, and I think that God showed something to me. Though I may not have mortal, human enemies trying to kill me, I do have an enemy that wants to destroy me in anyway he can. Paul says in Ephesians that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The Enemy often attacks through our weaknesses - fear that we aren't good enough, skinny enough, strong enough, smart enough. Sometimes he uses other people through lies, rumors, and physical abuse. He tells us that we have no hope, that we are alone, forgotten. But what I see in this Psalm is the exact opposite! God is telling us that He will be our light, salvation and stronghold. We don't have to believe the lies because we can be confident in our Redeemer's unfailing love!
"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock." (vs 4-5)
Ahhh. That's not literally all I can say, but it really is. Imagine dwelling the presence of God, the Creator of the world, the Holy Romancer of mankind, everyday, all day. No interruptions, no phones, no facebook, no hurting friends, no busy schedule. Just to gaze upon Jesus. Fixing our eyes on the most beautifully perfect thing we will ever see. And not only to just be in His presence, but to know that He is keeping me safe from anything that wants to hurt me or separate me from my Love. I desire to be with my Jesus so badly.
I love it when the word "hide" comes up in the Bible. The verses with that word generally become one of my favorites. I love the idea, the truth, that God hides me. I am always reminded of the hymn He Hideth My Soul: "He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock that shadows a dry, thirsty land. He hideth my life in the depths of His love, and covers me there with His hand." Imagining that Christ is hiding me under His wing is probably the most comforting promise that I hold on to. I compare it to when I hug a friend who is way bigger and stronger than I am; I just kind of get lost in it. I'm suddenly shielded from anything because they have become my really warm human shield. I think that's what God does when hides us. It's something that I cling to everyday.
Not only will He keep us safe and hide us, He "sets us high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord."
He will exalt us above the enemy! When we are faced with a temptation or are shot down by a lie or rumor about us, if we seek the presence of God, He will exalt us above all of the earthly garbage. He lifts us above it! We can sing praises and be filled with joy because our Lord is greater than anything down here.
"Hear my voice when I call, O Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, Lord I will seek."
I don't know what to say beyond that. My heart tells me to seek Him. My desire for Jesus burns in me. I don't want to ever be satisfied with where I am in my relationship with Him. I will seek Him.
"Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me."
The fear that God won't be there with me is one that I struggle with. It's an irrational fear, a trust issue. But He promises that He will never leave me or forsake me. And why would He? He gave His only Son to redeem me. He paid the highest price so that I could have a never-ending relationship with Him! Why would He forsake His own?
"Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence."
It's so hard not to give in to the lies of society. As cliche as it may be. There are so many lies that are forced upon us - lies about real beauty, futures, money, etc. But God will teach us through His truth and tell us who we really are in Him.
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
Wait confidently.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident." (vs 1- 3)
So, I'm not King David. I don't have thousands and thousands of people trying to kill me. I don't think that anyone hates me... At least, I hope not! But I've read all of them Psalms in the last two weeks, and I think that God showed something to me. Though I may not have mortal, human enemies trying to kill me, I do have an enemy that wants to destroy me in anyway he can. Paul says in Ephesians that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The Enemy often attacks through our weaknesses - fear that we aren't good enough, skinny enough, strong enough, smart enough. Sometimes he uses other people through lies, rumors, and physical abuse. He tells us that we have no hope, that we are alone, forgotten. But what I see in this Psalm is the exact opposite! God is telling us that He will be our light, salvation and stronghold. We don't have to believe the lies because we can be confident in our Redeemer's unfailing love!
"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock." (vs 4-5)
Ahhh. That's not literally all I can say, but it really is. Imagine dwelling the presence of God, the Creator of the world, the Holy Romancer of mankind, everyday, all day. No interruptions, no phones, no facebook, no hurting friends, no busy schedule. Just to gaze upon Jesus. Fixing our eyes on the most beautifully perfect thing we will ever see. And not only to just be in His presence, but to know that He is keeping me safe from anything that wants to hurt me or separate me from my Love. I desire to be with my Jesus so badly.
I love it when the word "hide" comes up in the Bible. The verses with that word generally become one of my favorites. I love the idea, the truth, that God hides me. I am always reminded of the hymn He Hideth My Soul: "He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock that shadows a dry, thirsty land. He hideth my life in the depths of His love, and covers me there with His hand." Imagining that Christ is hiding me under His wing is probably the most comforting promise that I hold on to. I compare it to when I hug a friend who is way bigger and stronger than I am; I just kind of get lost in it. I'm suddenly shielded from anything because they have become my really warm human shield. I think that's what God does when hides us. It's something that I cling to everyday.
Not only will He keep us safe and hide us, He "sets us high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord."
He will exalt us above the enemy! When we are faced with a temptation or are shot down by a lie or rumor about us, if we seek the presence of God, He will exalt us above all of the earthly garbage. He lifts us above it! We can sing praises and be filled with joy because our Lord is greater than anything down here.
"Hear my voice when I call, O Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, Lord I will seek."
I don't know what to say beyond that. My heart tells me to seek Him. My desire for Jesus burns in me. I don't want to ever be satisfied with where I am in my relationship with Him. I will seek Him.
"Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me."
The fear that God won't be there with me is one that I struggle with. It's an irrational fear, a trust issue. But He promises that He will never leave me or forsake me. And why would He? He gave His only Son to redeem me. He paid the highest price so that I could have a never-ending relationship with Him! Why would He forsake His own?
"Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence."
It's so hard not to give in to the lies of society. As cliche as it may be. There are so many lies that are forced upon us - lies about real beauty, futures, money, etc. But God will teach us through His truth and tell us who we really are in Him.
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
Wait confidently.
Friday, May 11, 2012
This is Home.
I attempted to go on a run tonight. It's beautiful out - really warm, clear, and there's a little warm breeze. The stars are out. Well... I made it for about 5 minutes. Pathetic really. I would so rather spend 2 hours on weights or climb a mountain or ANYTHING besides run. I just can't do it.
Oh. A side note before this goes further... I got two gifts in the mail today! I am blessed to now be $90 closer to Brussels! Praise God!
So... When I decided that it was a stupid idea to be running, I laid out in the middle of the road. There is something so incredibly freeing when you are completely vulnerable sprawled out on warm cement. And, as I lay there staring up at the stars, I saw the Little Dipper. It was upside down and looked like it was pouring out onto the world below it. I was praying, trying to clear my head from a hectic, stressful day. I asked God what He wanted to tell me. I was drawn to the Little Dipper, and I think God was just trying to encourage me. "I want to bless you. You are doing what I want you to do. Just like this dipper, I am going to pour out my blessings on you. Things might not be easy or simple, but trust Me because I have great things planned for you. I clothe the lilies of the field and feed the birds of the air. I will provide for you. Continue to seek me out. Seek first My kingdom and all these things will be given to you. Don't worry about the earthly things. Keep looking for My heart and you will find it. Let Me take care of you. There is nothing impossible for Me."
Thanks, Little Dipper, for being out tonight. And thanks, 22nd Avenue, for still being warm from the sun. And thanks, God, for speaking to me tonight.
Even still, sitting in the road looking at all of the oh-so-familiar scenery, my stomping grounds, my heart ached. I don't want to leave this behind. This is my home away from Home. This is where I feel like I belong. I'm comfortable here. I know this place, these people. I'm scared to leave. I don't want to go out into the unknown on my own. There's so much that I don't want to let go. There are people I don't want to leave behind.
But at the same time, I can't wait. I can't wait for the adventure. I can't wait for new places and people. New stories, new scenes. I want to open my wings and fly. I want to try something on my own. I want to see if I can really do this. Without my friends, without all of the fallbacks that I've had for the last forever.
I wish that I could write this story for myself. It wouldn't look like this. I would be taking my closest friends and it would be just like home only on another continent. But. Then I'm glad that I'm not writing this one. It wouldn't compare to what God has already written.
I guess I'm scared but excited. Eager but reserved. Held in but ready to burst out. This is hard. I'm so torn up inside.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Oh. A side note before this goes further... I got two gifts in the mail today! I am blessed to now be $90 closer to Brussels! Praise God!
So... When I decided that it was a stupid idea to be running, I laid out in the middle of the road. There is something so incredibly freeing when you are completely vulnerable sprawled out on warm cement. And, as I lay there staring up at the stars, I saw the Little Dipper. It was upside down and looked like it was pouring out onto the world below it. I was praying, trying to clear my head from a hectic, stressful day. I asked God what He wanted to tell me. I was drawn to the Little Dipper, and I think God was just trying to encourage me. "I want to bless you. You are doing what I want you to do. Just like this dipper, I am going to pour out my blessings on you. Things might not be easy or simple, but trust Me because I have great things planned for you. I clothe the lilies of the field and feed the birds of the air. I will provide for you. Continue to seek me out. Seek first My kingdom and all these things will be given to you. Don't worry about the earthly things. Keep looking for My heart and you will find it. Let Me take care of you. There is nothing impossible for Me."
Thanks, Little Dipper, for being out tonight. And thanks, 22nd Avenue, for still being warm from the sun. And thanks, God, for speaking to me tonight.
 |
But at the same time, I can't wait. I can't wait for the adventure. I can't wait for new places and people. New stories, new scenes. I want to open my wings and fly. I want to try something on my own. I want to see if I can really do this. Without my friends, without all of the fallbacks that I've had for the last forever.
I wish that I could write this story for myself. It wouldn't look like this. I would be taking my closest friends and it would be just like home only on another continent. But. Then I'm glad that I'm not writing this one. It wouldn't compare to what God has already written.
I guess I'm scared but excited. Eager but reserved. Held in but ready to burst out. This is hard. I'm so torn up inside.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
The Potter, the Apprentice, and the Clay
You know how God is the potter and we are the clay? Well, sometimes potters decide that their vase or bowl or cup or whatever needs to kinda change in form. The potter starts reforming the piece -- slowly breaking off parts, cutting others, adding a little bit of clay here or there. I can imagine that it is hard for the artist's apprentice to watch him “ruin” what seemed to be a beautiful piece. The apprentice tries to object and say that it was fine the way it was before. He doesn't think that there was anything wrong with it. The potter smiles and says, "Trust me. It will look even better this way."
The apprentice realizes that the piece had to go through a lot of changing to become the incredible vase that it now was. Every change the master made had a purpose that was seen in the delicate, intricate designs. And now the master can use it in the way that he deems best.
 |
| "You are the potter. I am the clay." |
The apprentice is doubtful but he watches closely. Eventually the potter sets down the piece and smiles to himself. The student looks at the master confused because the piece doesn't look like the original at all! Sure, there are some basic shapes and forms that are the same, but the contours, the intricate design, is nothing like it was. He is still confused because it doesn't seem like it is going to look as good as the original. But he forgets that there is one more step.
The potter takes the clay and puts it in the fire. A lot of things happen while the clay is in the kiln. The clay goes from this soft, totally fragile substance to one which is rock-hard, impervious to water, wind, and time. Materials that make the clay weak are burned out and replaced with chemicals that make it strong.
A while later, the master potter takes his creation out of the kiln. The apprentice is shocked by the resulting piece. It is beautiful. One of the best he had ever seen. The potter merely nods his head and places the piece among the rest of his creations. Each is unique. Each has its own story of how it once was an average cup in form, but was turned into a genuinely unique piece of art that has its own use once it was placed in the learned hands.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Cannonball?
hmmm. I've been inspired to blog again... So this is what you get :)
So much has changed since the first of this amazing year of 2012. I am confident. I am filled to the brim, overflowing, with joy. I know what I am doing with my life. Okay. Just kidding on that last one... There's a few areas I'm completely confused on. Oh well. That's part of growing up. But! I know what I'm doing until probably literally this exact day in 2013. I have no idea what will happen next year... But that's totally fine with me! God seems to enjoy taking control of my plans and making them better than what I ever imagined possible. He is my confidence and my joy. I am starting to let myself be satisfied completely with His love.
You know when you are at the edge of a dock and just your toes are touching the water? Then slowly you let your whole foot go in. You pull it out really fast because it's cold (or....you're scared of the evil little fishies that are scheming the harsh removal of your pinky toe.... Maybe that's just me.) Then you return your foot back into the water apprehensively while you watch your best friends having the time of their lives as the cool, clear water surrounds their bodies and flows through their hair. But you continue to sit there, being burned by the scorching sun. You long to let yourself jump in, long to let the water refresh you. Something inside you says, "don't do it. The water is too cold. It's dirty. You don't know what's in there." while your friends are laughing and saying, "get in here! You're missing out!"
By now the water is halfway up your calf. Finally, you stand up and walk to the other end of the dock. You tell yourself that it will be worth it. You've felt the way the water swirls comfortably around your ankles. It's not as cold as you think. After the hard mental battle, you take a deep breath and start to run. Your heart beats faster and, as you leap as far as you possibly can, you close your eyes and hold your breath in preparation for the arctic ice of which you just allowed yourself to become a victim.
As soon as you break through the surface, the sound of friends laughing and cheering you on in your ears, you feel refreshed as the warmer-than-you-thought water envelops you. You become lost in the warm embrace of the dark waters. For a moment, everything is still. You sink, slowly allowing your body to come out of it's cannonball position. You hold your breath as long as you can. Then you start kicking toward what you think is the surface. Your head breaks through the surface, and the sun greets you with a warm ray while your friends swim toward you.
At the moment, all worries of the cold and scary water creatures melt away like an ice cube on hot cement. Regret for not jumping in sooner makes an appearance in your mind, but is quickly chased away by the feelings of relief from the hot sun and the joy of pure happiness. The rest of the perfect summer afternoon is spent in sweet laughter as you float about with the people you love.
I think this what I am doing right now. I am just barely experiencing the fullness of God's love. My toes have only felt the water. I know that letting go and jumping in will be worth it. I have friends encouraging me to dive in. I have tasted and known that the Lord is good. Now I just have to take that last running step, allow myself to cannonball into His love, and feel His waves and breakers sweep over me.
I think it's time for a swim.
So much has changed since the first of this amazing year of 2012. I am confident. I am filled to the brim, overflowing, with joy. I know what I am doing with my life. Okay. Just kidding on that last one... There's a few areas I'm completely confused on. Oh well. That's part of growing up. But! I know what I'm doing until probably literally this exact day in 2013. I have no idea what will happen next year... But that's totally fine with me! God seems to enjoy taking control of my plans and making them better than what I ever imagined possible. He is my confidence and my joy. I am starting to let myself be satisfied completely with His love.
You know when you are at the edge of a dock and just your toes are touching the water? Then slowly you let your whole foot go in. You pull it out really fast because it's cold (or....you're scared of the evil little fishies that are scheming the harsh removal of your pinky toe.... Maybe that's just me.) Then you return your foot back into the water apprehensively while you watch your best friends having the time of their lives as the cool, clear water surrounds their bodies and flows through their hair. But you continue to sit there, being burned by the scorching sun. You long to let yourself jump in, long to let the water refresh you. Something inside you says, "don't do it. The water is too cold. It's dirty. You don't know what's in there." while your friends are laughing and saying, "get in here! You're missing out!"
By now the water is halfway up your calf. Finally, you stand up and walk to the other end of the dock. You tell yourself that it will be worth it. You've felt the way the water swirls comfortably around your ankles. It's not as cold as you think. After the hard mental battle, you take a deep breath and start to run. Your heart beats faster and, as you leap as far as you possibly can, you close your eyes and hold your breath in preparation for the arctic ice of which you just allowed yourself to become a victim.
As soon as you break through the surface, the sound of friends laughing and cheering you on in your ears, you feel refreshed as the warmer-than-you-thought water envelops you. You become lost in the warm embrace of the dark waters. For a moment, everything is still. You sink, slowly allowing your body to come out of it's cannonball position. You hold your breath as long as you can. Then you start kicking toward what you think is the surface. Your head breaks through the surface, and the sun greets you with a warm ray while your friends swim toward you.
At the moment, all worries of the cold and scary water creatures melt away like an ice cube on hot cement. Regret for not jumping in sooner makes an appearance in your mind, but is quickly chased away by the feelings of relief from the hot sun and the joy of pure happiness. The rest of the perfect summer afternoon is spent in sweet laughter as you float about with the people you love.
I think this what I am doing right now. I am just barely experiencing the fullness of God's love. My toes have only felt the water. I know that letting go and jumping in will be worth it. I have friends encouraging me to dive in. I have tasted and known that the Lord is good. Now I just have to take that last running step, allow myself to cannonball into His love, and feel His waves and breakers sweep over me.
I think it's time for a swim.
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