Hidden Treasure and Bags of Junk

Matthew 13:44 - “The Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.”

There is mystery in a hidden treasure. That is why there are so many stories of hidden riches that you can only find by following a treasure map. Most hidden treasure stories you hear involve characters who have to sacrifice to find it. They have to go on adventures that test their character and their determination. To find it they have to leave their comfortable lives and usually end up joining forces with a group of people they would not normally choose to be with. In most good stories about finding treasure, they have to decide if they are willing to risk their lives to obtain the treasure. Even as they are choosing to give their lives for this treasure, they usually don’t know the value of it or if it even actually exists. Most people probably tell them that the treasure they're searching for is really just a myth or legend and not even worth looking for. Yet still there is this insatiable hunger for the treasure - no matter what anyone says.
And sometimes, you stumble upon a treasure by accident, and it changes the course of your life forever. You still won't fully know the value of what you've found until you take it to get appraised. I remember one time my brother Cole and I were digging behind our barn, and we found buckets and buckets of shiny black rock. We had no idea what they were or if they were even valuable, but to us it was like finding buried treasure. We still have buckets of these black rocks at home because we thought we had found something incredible.

This guy was probably just your average man – he had a family, friends, and a job. It seems kind of strange that he would find such a valuable treasure and then just leave it there in the field. I mean, what if someone else had found it after he left and had taken this treasure? But instead of grabbing the treasure and running away with it, he went and sold all he had to buy the whole field that held it.

For a really long time, I have wondered why in the world this guy didn't just take the treasure when he found it. It didn't make any sense to me. And this week as I was praying about this parable and meditating on it, Jesus started to explain it to me.

This guy had to get rid of his bag of junk. He was about to have the greatest secret in the world. He was about to become more rich than you could imagine. He didn't need his old, worn out stuff anymore. He had just found the most precious treasure. He needed to clean out his house of all his old things so that there would be room for the things he had just found. In a non-metaphorical way, his junk was his sin, his old nature, and he had to remove it from his life before he could really take hold of the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Kingdom is holy and perfect; there is no room for extra stuff. To get the treasure of the Kingdom, we have to get rid of our junk.

This means literally selling all our possessions if they are a distraction or an idol. This means repenting of our sins and turning our hearts to God. This means getting rid of emotional baggage like grudges, hurt feelings, orphan mentalities, bad relationships, and guilt. We have to get rid of anything, any junk, which keeps us from really knowing God intimately. We have to learn who we truly are in God’s eyes – we are sons and daughters, kings and queens, priests, royalty, holy, covered by the blood of Jesus. We have to give up ourselves, deny ourselves of what we feel we deserve – whether that is the acknowledgement of man for our good deeds or even condemnation for our mistakes – because once we enter into the Kingdom and are filled with the Holy Spirit, it is no longer we who live, but Christ who lives in us. Like Paul says in Gal. 2:20 - “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” And in Colossians 2 he says “When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.” And then he goes on in Colossians 3:5-10, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”

The man in this parable had to get rid of his possessions because they were signs, relics, of his old self. What he had found was going to change his life and make him a totally different man. I think Jesus was saying that we can’t fully take hold of the Kingdom until we have given everything else up for it. But it is so hard to give up the things we know, the old creation mentalities we have, even the comforts of the lies of the enemy, for the truth of the Kingdom. The Kingdom of God is all about our hearts. If our hearts are cluttered still with the things of the old nature, if there is still even a hint of the enemy’s darkness within us, how can we be filled with the Spirit and with the light of His presence? "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." Jesus didn't die so that we would continue to live in sin and guilt and shame. If we are holding onto those things, we are not experiencing the freedom Jesus came to give us. Surely, Jesus taught that the Kingdom of heaven is manifest through signs and wonders, healings and miracles. But those are just the outward signs of what the Kingdom has done in our inner lives. I can't be holding onto my bag of garbage with one hand and the Treasure with my other. If our minds are still full of sinful thoughts, our actions will reflect that. But if our hearts and minds are full of the thoughts of Jesus and if we have set our hearts on truly knowing Him, then our actions will reflect those good things. Only then will we be like the first church in Acts 2 and 4 who gave their possessions freely to all who had need, who were filled with the Spirit, who operated and lived from the overflow of their intimacy with God. Thousands and thousands of people came to Christ, became kings and queens in the Kingdom, because these first Christians understood that the Kingdom of God, the Kingdom Jesus came to proclaim, was backwards and upside down.

Like a treasure of great value can satisfy our physical needs – it can pay our bills, buy our food and clothes, etc., the Kingdom of heaven satisfies those things and more. Jesus says, "Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you as well." It satisfies our deepest desires. We were created for more than just what we can see and taste and touch and feel here. From the first day of Creation, God put a hunger in our deepest spirit for a relationship with Him. He created us to reign with Him, to walk and talk with Him, to experience life in relationship with Him. He made us in His image with His characteristics and His imagination and His feelings. He created us to rule and reign over all of creation together with Him. But when Adam and Eve sinned and ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, we lost our ability to freely be with Jesus. At that moment of decision, they plunged mankind into a lifelong hunt for the satisfaction of the desire they felt inside. Every moment in history, every religion that has come into the world since then has been man’s attempt to fill their emptiness. These things have tried to answer man's cry: "Where is the place I truly belong? Where is my kingdom?"

I imagine that this man who finds the treasure is just like all of us. He had a need that nothing was satisfying until he finds this treasure, he finds the Kingdom, and his whole life is changed. He suddenly realized that his materialism really wasn’t the answer, that his immorality and idolatry were not getting him anywhere. He had to remove it completely from his life so he could have this treasure. He was so full of joy because he had found his heart’s desire that giving everything else up for it was hardly even a sacrifice. In the words of Paul: “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.” Phil. 3:7-11

Sometimes the things we give up for the Kingdom aren’t even bad things in themselves. Maybe we don’t have a huge sin like a drug addiction or we aren’t caught in immorality. Maybe we don’t have much stuff and materialism isn’t a big struggle for us. But sometimes it’s who we are that must be given up. Paul was your perfect Jew – he followed the law, he was a pure Hebrew, and he was zealous for his people. But he gave up all of his credentials and his reputation; he died to his pride and self-worth, so that Jesus could be glorified in and through him.

But once you have found the Kingdom, what do you do? Once you’ve sold all of your possessions and given up your old self, what do you do then? You set your eyes on Jesus and run after Him with all you’ve got. You join with other believers and go on your crazy adventure with them, even if they aren’t people you would normally know. You put other people first and share the riches that you’ve found. And people have gold in them too. Sometimes you can't see it and they don't even know it's there. But when I take them to the Appraiser and ask Him what He sees in them, I can call out the gold, the pieces of the Kingdom of heaven, that have been placed in them. Freely you have received; now freely give. Paul prayed for Philemon that he would “be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ.” The Kingdom is every good thing. The more we talk about it, the more we live in the Spirit and in intimacy with Jesus, the more deeply we will come to true understanding of what Jesus died to give us access to. As Paul prayed for the Ephesian church: “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.” The Kingdom of heaven is here and now. As we live our daily lives, we must heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, drive out demons, baptizing them in the Name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teach them to do the same. And all of this we do with joy because we have found the treasure of the Kingdom.

I guess the question is: am I willing to let go of all of my old ways of thinking to have Jesus? Am I willing to give up my stuff, to get rid of my junk which I have allowed to define me for such a long time, so that I can step up and take hold of all that Jesus has for me in the Kingdom? Am I willing to let God come in and give me my identity? And am I willing to do away with the fear of man and share the riches I've been given?

There is so much freedom, so much joy, so much peace to be had, and all it takes to have it is to fully say "yes" to our Papa God. 

Germany Day One - It's all part of the adventure

Yesterday I flew to Berlin after spending a really great week in Brussels at the YWAM base where I did my DTS. I took a train from Berlin to Dresden and then another from Dresden to Lobau. It went surprisingly well - seeing as I don't speak German and I didn't have a working cell phone or wifi. I missed one train but managed to get to my final destination though!!

All of that to say, I had no way to get a hold of the base here in Herrnhut, and they didn't actually know when I was coming because my original flight had been cancelled due to a pilots' strike. So as the train was pulling into the station, I was praying, "Jesus, please let there be some YWAMers here..." I didn't really know where to go, so I followed some people around. But there wasn't anyone holding a sign or waving emphatically at me... I was about to go sit on the sidewalk and wait when I saw a van with YWAM Herrnhut written on the side. They all looked a little surprised as I walked up to them because they weren't expecting to pick me up. The van was already almost full and they were picking up 2 other people, but they decided they could just squeeze me in. As they were putting my bags into the van, I realized something pretty terrible... I didn't have my purse.

Not having my purse meant that I no longer had my passport or the money for my school. And it was just laying on a seat on the train in plain sight for anyone to grab.

I stood there for a moment, kind of freaking out just a little, but then I started laughing. One of the guys, Dennis, started to looking for the phone number for the train company, and another girl ran around the station looking for someone who could help us. Dennis finally talked to someone who could contact the train I was on, but she had to contact them and then call us back later. Then four of us started praying. We prayed that God would make it invisible to everyone except for the person who would be looking for it. I can honestly say that I wasn't actually really worried after the first initial realization. God gave me a huge sense of peace. I am just so thankful that Jesus is bigger than my stupidity and forgetfulness.

15 minutes later we got a phone call from the lady at the train company. They had found my wallet with ALL OF THE MONEY AND MY PASSPORT STILL IN IT!!! Let's just say there was lots of screaming and "THANK YOU JESUS"s and jumping up and down going on. It was crazy. The only thing was that we would have to do was drive that night to another village about 20 minutes away to pick it up or they would turn it over to the police. But by this time the other two people had come, and the van was stuffed. Three of them decided to go to the base by bus, and then 5 of us went to find my passport. 

When we got to the other station, I just had to sign a paper, and then I got all of my things back!! It was a crazy day to say the least. Yesterday afternoon, I was wondering how in the world I was going to register for the school or pay for it because all of my information was in my wallet. Today, I was able to register with my passport and fully pay for the lecture phase of my school. Come on!

It's all part of the adventure, right? All I can say is, "Thank you, Jesus." Our God answers prayers and always provides for us - even when we're forgetful.

My Story of Papa's Heart

Well. It's time for me to get my story out there - the whole thing from the very beginning. This is who I am, this is what has shaped me and changed me. This is my testimony, my story of what Jesus does when He invades a heart. My prayer as you read is that you will experience Papa's heart in a way you never have before. His love for you goes farther than the skies and deeper than the ocean.

I was born in Salem - grew up in the same house, same room facing the river, have gone to the same church, still have many of the same friends since birth. I have been so blessed to be raised here. My childhood was not normal though. When I was 18 months old, my doctor found a hole in my heart the size of a quarter, and they had to do open heart surgery to close it. I still have the 6 inch scar on my chest. About the same time, my dad was dealing with a brain tumor and my brother Cole was just entering the family. I can't imagine being my mom then...

When I was 3, my dad passed away. I have very few memories of him. I think it was the night before he died, or very close to, our whole family was in our living room where his hospice bed was. I remember sitting at a table with all of my cousins when I decided I wanted to give my daddy a balloon. My mom picked me up and I gave him the balloon. The next thing I remember is a man rolling out my daddy's hospice bed through our front door.

The next couple years are a little fuzzy. I know that I was not happy. I would wake up in the middle of the night crying out for my daddy, or I would wake up hearing Cole doing the same. But at the same time I began to learn Who my heavenly Father really was. He was the Person my mom cried out to in the kitchen in the middle of the night. He was the One who was taking care of my daddy. He was the One that sent Christmas presents from our church family to a desperate single mother and kept our fridge full of lasagna. And He was Who everyone told me was my real Daddy.

During elementary school, I was the perfect church girl. Honestly, I could have been the poster child for the evangelical church. I was enrolled in a private Christian school (we're still not sure who paid for mine and Cole's tuition all those years), I did Bible quizzing and was always one of the highest placing kids, I was very involved in Sunday School and midweek stuff. Basically whenever the church doors were open, the Flanigans were there. And I loved it. I am so grateful for all of the people who poured their hearts into us and helped us have such a firm grasp of the Bible. But my elementary years were incredibly difficult. So many people in my life died. There has been more death in my family and family friends than I would wish on anyone. And every time, it would bring up more of the pain of not having a dad in my life. Every year on/near February 12, I would wear a locket with a picture of my dad in it. I would show the picture to [most] of the people who asked, and they would always say "Your dad was a very good man. He is so happy now with Jesus. And now you have God as your father."

And then middle school happened... Most of the things that happened between 2006-2010 are not mine to tell, but I can tell you how I reacted. And that was not well. It's kind of hard to sum up, but basically I became a victim of circumstance and poor decisions made by adults that I trusted completely. It seemed as if every time I turned around I found out about something about a very respected adult that I prayed wasn't true. I began to draw back into myself, and I built very high, thick walls around my heart. I fell into a deep pit of depression, anxiety, and obsessive negative thoughts. I had nightmares that I won't repeat. For almost a year, I couldn't sleep. If I could sleep, then I had to have the lights on and music going. But if I had music going, it would distract me and I couldn't sleep anyways. I was afraid that if I closed my eyes I would never wake up again. I became incredibly legalistic and held myself to outrageously high standards. The enemy convinced me that if I didn't read my Bible before I fell asleep, I would wake up in hell. I would have obsessive thoughts which lead me to not trust anyone - everyone was on a constant watch list. Every word they said was doubted, every intention thought to be a hurtful one. Even my closest of friends were not trusted. But how I could I trust someone when I knew they were just going to hurt me and let me down somehow?

I became nasty, bitter, angry, hateful. Anxiety/panic attacks become a regular occurrence. I couldn't do school because of the obsessive thoughts. I got so far behind that I basically felt like a failure. I had always been a straight-A student. I plastered a smile on my face and kept going to church and reading my Bible because if I didn't... Well, I didn't want to know what would happen if I didn't keep to my very strict rules. I hated God, but I cried out to Him anyways. I was angry at Him beyond belief, and yet I couldn't seem to get rid of His hand in my life. I couldn't understand how this God who said He was my Father could let all of those horrible things happen to me, how He could steal away the people I love, tear apart my family and my church, and still say He loved me and had a good plan for me.

Finally my mom had enough and forced me to go to therapy in 8th and 9th grade. Yes, forced. And I think only a handful of people know about this. I fought her every week. I tried to make up excuses not to go. And as much as I hated to admit it to anyone, it did help. I was ashamed though. What 13 year old goes to a psychiatrist? It didn't help that my brother didn't have to go, and neither did a couple of other kids who were very involved in all of the mess. Surely there is something horribly wrong with me, I would think, since no one else has to go. And so I would make up excuses to my friends why I couldn't hangout on Thursday night, etc. to hide what was going on. Always smiling on the outside, and yet dying from the darkness all around me on the inside.

When I was 15, I went for a week in the summer to Camp Risen Son. That place had been my safe haven for the last 5 years. I could run away from everything and just be with people I loved, far from the tangled mess at home. Yeah, they talked about God, but I was still trying to figure out where I was with Him. I believed He was real, I kind of believed that He had something better planned for my life, but I didn't understand His love or His forgiveness. It was the second to last night of camp, I think, and the speaker was talking about forgiveness. I lost it. I realized the depth of the bitterness and hatred in my heart toward a couple of adults who had severely hurt my trust. I was a mess, and I need healing. Jesus came and spoke His forgiveness over me. I was able to forgive myself, and I was able to begin forgiving all the people who had hurt me. Suddenly the joy that had been stolen from me returned. I can remember the next morning the feeling of freedom I had. It was incredible. I knew from that moment on that I had to follow Jesus with everything I was. I had known since I was a little kid I was made to be an overseas missionary, I knew it in middle school too. But I re-realized it that day, I guess.

The rest of high school was better than middle school, but it was pretty rough and doesn't really need to be talked about right now. A couple of concussions in junior/senior year and I basically dropped out. I knew I didn't want to go to college or a university - why spend thousands of dollars to learn about stuff that I would probably never use when I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life? Besides, I really just wanted to tell people about Jesus, and it didn't seem like I should have to have a degree to do that. (Acts 4:13, anyone? Totally kidding. Go to school if that's what you want to do.) I felt God nudging me to look into YWAM (Youth With A Mission). Several of my friends/acquaintances had done a DTS (Discipleship Training School - YWAM is all about their acronyms...) and they came back changed. Changed in a very good way. They had passion, vision. They had gone on adventures. They had tried something new. And new was very much what I needed.

So in January 2012 of my senior year of high school, I started looking around the YWAM world base map. I was already planning to go to England to meet a penpal and stay with her family. I was looking for bases in countries about as far away from Oregon as I could get. I figured if I was going to do this, I was going to do it all the way. I was looking at Australia and New Zealand and countries where I could go backpacking and such - places I wanted to go. But nothing was getting me excited, nothing was grabbing my heart. Frustrated I prayed, alright, God, where do You want me to go? And He said, Europe. I said, Ehhh, don't think so. And He said, Look. I did. The first country that popped up was Belgium. Honestly, I had forgotten that was even a country. I read through the base information and I was hooked. It had grabbed my heart. I couldn't get it out of my head. We'll just fast forward through the next 8 months... But basically, I bought a one way ticket to England before I knew if I was accepted to the base in Brussels, got accepted, and it was a really, really crazy few months leading up to it.

I had absolutely no idea why God wanted me in Brussels. My time in England was awesome, unforgettable. And then it was time to go to Brussels. I had expectations and an idea of what my DTS would be. But I was also freaked out of my mind. It was one thing to go live with a penpal for two months... We had skyped, facebooked, written letters and emails. I knew her, and I trusted her. This though? This was much different. I was going in alone, to live with 10 other people I didn't know, who were from all over the world, and who would have different stories and personalities than me. Let's just say I learned more about my personality and how I work than I have ever. DTS is not really for those who don't want Jesus to break down their carefully built walls. I was so closed off the first few weeks. But I couldn't trust them! I didn't know who they were or if they would hurt me if I opened up to them.

We all went on an emotional rollercoaster the first few weeks of lecture phase. The some of the first topics were identity, Fatherheart of God, and Kingdom Living. Identity killed me. I believed so many lies about myself - that I wasn't beautiful or pretty or worth it, and because I wasn't all of those things, I didn't think anyone really wanted to be my friend - I was really just an annoyance that my "friends" put up with. Definitely lies, but lies that I probably wouldn't have had if I had had a dad who affirmed me in my beauty and femininity. And with all of that, I struggled to make new friends because I didn't think they would want to be anyways. Well, after lots of tears, I broke with those lies I believed about my self image and acceptance.

The next week was Fatherheart of God. Going into the week I had already decided that I wasn't going to cry or get emotional at all. I already knew that God was my Father. I thought I knew that better than any of my teammates. No one knew that my dad had died when I was little. So I sat there in my spot in the lecture room the first 3 days not engaged at all. I wasn't really connecting with the teaching, so I was just there. I had felt God's Presence all around and in me that whole week. On Thursday night we would usually have ministry night where the lecturer or our staff would do a special evening of worship or prayer or something like that. This particular Thursday night they had set up different prayer stations - a table for communion, a cross for surrendering, a place to write a letter to God, a place for confession, and a couch to just sit and be with Papa. I went straight for that one. I curled up on the couch with a pillow, and not even 5 minutes later I was sobbing from somewhere so deep within me that it scared me. Suddenly I was overcome with these emotions and this pain I didn't even know existed. All of these desires I had for an earthly father that I had not allowed to grow since I was a little girl burst out of my very soul. I realized how badly I wanted a daddy to hug me, to hold me, to tell me I was beautiful, to walk me down the aisle, to be there for me when I needed to talk about boys or just needed a hand to hold. I finally told God how unfair it really was, but that I wasn't angry.

While all of this was happening in my head, I was basically hyperventilating. The lecturer came and started praying over me. Over the next two hours, I never moved off the couch, but he came back a couple of times and did things that I always wanted my dad to do. He brought over a blanket and tucked me in. More hyperventilating. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead and prayed over me more. Even more hyperventilating. Finally after two very long hours, I had cried all my tears and felt more wrung out than a sopping wet dishrag. I was so exhausted I could barely talk let alone walk. As I was about to head upstairs with my leader Nele, the lecturer stopped me, gave me a hug, and whispered "I am so proud of you". I knew that was really what Papa was saying to me. I lost it again.

I couldn't explain what had happened to anyone because I had absolutely no idea myself! So for the next week I was an emotional train wreck. One minute I would be laughing at the dinner table, the next minute I would be sobbing on my bed for an hour. It was great... Anyways, during that bipolar week it was also the week of Kingdom Living teaching. The lecturer was from Scotland. Now, I don't know what your theology says about prophecy, but this guy was doing it. All week he would just stop in the middle of his lecture, look at someone, walk up to them, and tell them something about their life that only they knew. He would then pray over them and speak truth over their lives. But he never did that to me. In some ways I was relieved, in others, not so much. We had talked a lot during meals and stuff, but he never got into anything spiritual. I was so messed up emotionally I didn't really care.

That Wednesday night, I had it really rough, and I was journaling my prayers in my bed. I was so upset, I finally wrote in my journal "God, just give me a dad!" I could show you the page. You know when you say things out of emotion but don't expect anything to come of it? Yup. That would be that sentence. So, Thursday morning I thought nothing of it. My team, my outreach leaders, and Michael the speaker went on a prayer walk that morning around the EU buildings in Brussels. We were not ready. If I'm not ready for a prayer walk, I get depressed and angry. We went back to the base to debrief and pray, and I was hiding deep in myself. I was sitting next to Michael and another teammate. While they were praying to close off the morning, I started sobbing again. I lost it. They kicked everyone else out of the prayer room so it was just me, the two outreach leaders and Michael. I finally explained what had been going on all week, and they started praying for me. Michael prophecied over me - I honestly don't remember what he said, I was crying to hard! He did say something about Papa filling my loneliness though. After about a half hour, I felt much much better and headed up to the DTS student apartment to get cleaned up. Michael was staying on the same floor so he followed me.

Just as I was about to go in to the apartment, Michael stopped me and said, "Papa wants me to ask you something. He wants me to ask you to be my daughter." *enter Katy's dropped jaw here* I was floored. I stared at him for a bit, and he looked quite worried. And then I told him that I had just prayed for that the night before. (Not for him particularly of course!) He seemed slightly shocked and said he needed to go call his wife and kids... And I walked dazedly to the shower where I freaked out a bit: I realized that I didn't know how to have a dad or how to be a daughter.

And so began a very strange journey for all of us.

It's kind of a weird thing to skype your mom and tell her that a guy from Scotland is adopting you or how that even came to be. My brother had men step up in his life and be a father figure, but I had never had anyone really do that for me. My mom was excited for me, but also a little hesitant I think. Michael and I talked quite a bit while he was still in Brussels, and just a couple days after all of that happened, he told me that he and his family wanted me to come visit them after my DTS was over. Me: woah... hold up. Sudden realization of what God was really doing hit me like an anvil. I was excited and man, was I scared.

Over the next couple of months I wrestled with God. First, He takes my biological dad, then He gives me a new one out of the blue, and then the new one goes back to a country that is halfway around the world. Fantastic! It was hard. I felt like Papa really wanted me to go stay with Michael and his family after my DTS, but I was scared. My mom was neutral, and all my teammates thought it was a great idea. So while I was on outreach in Bulgaria I bought a ticket to Scotland for 10 days before I came home to Oregon.

It was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. I was so scared flying into Glasgow. As the plane touched the tarmac, I had a minor panic attack. Holy cow, Katy, what in the world are you doing?? What if they don't like you? What if it's horrible? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? But man. It was so worth it. Michael's kids, my siblings, Emily Joy and Joshua are the greatest. His wife Gail is the best. And I loved everything about the town where they lived. But not gonna lie, the first couple of days were pretty hard for me when it came to Michael. I was putting so much pressure on myself - I was so afraid that I was going to mess it all up. I had no idea what I wanted or expected from the relationship, or what he was thinking. I wanted it to not be awkward so badly! And it really wasn't. 10 days was not long enough. I got on the plane to leave Scotland, and I felt a part of my heart stay there.

And so here we are, a year later. My dad and I have messaged back and forth and we've skyped as a family a couple of times. I am so excited to go back. I will be staying with them for almost two weeks before I go to Germany for my next YWAM school. During the last 6 months especially, I have felt a pulling in my heart for Scotland. I was able to do some ministry with them and some of the YWAMers in West Kilbride and I love the work they are doing. We'll see what Papa has in store :)

This is my story. This is my story of Papa's love for me. This is His work to restore the brokenness in my life. And this is His heart for all His children. Of course, you probably won't have a random guy adopt you, but I know that God is always working to redeem the things stolen by the enemy.

Psalm 145:13-20

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.
The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.

A little recap on 2013 and why I'm going to Germany!

I thought maybe it would be time for an update for anyone remotely interested in what is going on in my life seeing as I'm leaving the country in 49 days and all. Wow. 49 days. When I got home last year, I thought this spring would never come. Now it's almost here, and I'm not sure how we're already here!

I mostly wanted to let you know a little bit of what God has been up to and where exactly He's leading me. 2013 was one of the hardest but best years so far. Last January I was in South Africa and now here I am sitting on my bed in Oregon. It is so crazy how things have changed. This year at home was nothing like I had planned or imagined on so many levels. Friendships came and went, opportunities were taken, mistakes were made, tears were cried, and joy was multiplied. I saw God literally provide my daily needs during the first six months that I was home. When I got off the plane from Scotland, I didn't even know how I was going to put gas in my car. But time after time after time God was faithful. Random checks, house cleaning jobs, babysitting, an incredibly loving mom, and then a full time job (that started just at the perfect time!) were all reminders that Papa always knows what I need and He is my faithful provider.

While I was home this summer, I was able to spend almost 4 weeks at camps. I love camp. It was so great to be able to serve the kids in our area and to be able to do it with some of my most favorite people in the world! Coming home to these camps again made me realize how incredibly blessed I was to be able to grow up going to them.

I have to be honest, my re-entry from a European/African YWAM experience back to good ol' Salem was much, much harder than I expected it to be. During my DTS my leaders kept telling us that being home was going to be the true test of what we had learned and changed when we were gone. They said it would be hard, lonely, and probably not that much fun at the beginning. As much as I didn't want to believe them, they were so right. After I left Belgium, I struggled with a deep depression and loneliness and a feeling of uselessness and disconnect from life here in Oregon. But again, Papa was faithful. He provided friendships that I needed to encourage me, to lift me up, to point out where I was wrong, and to just love on me. Some friends were literally only present in my life for 4 days or two weeks! But, they were such a blessing and such a gift from God.

So, why did I choose to go to Germany this spring? Great question! I heard about this school (Kerusso School of the Kingdom) when I was still in Brussels in February. A team from YWAM Herrnhut in Germany was visiting our base there, and they were basically on an advertising/recruiting trip for their base. Well, they got at least one new student from it! They were talking about second level schools they offered there (you have to have completed a DTS first before you can attend one of these), and Kerusso jumped out at me. I literally have not been able to get it out of my head since that day!

YWAM Herrnhut is a castle!!

Kerusso is all about Jesus and learning how to follow Him, doing the things He did. It focuses on practical, tangible ministry - praying for people, healings, prophetic worship and evangelism, and mercy ministries. It's about bringing revival to the nations, hope to the broken, poor, and needy, light to the darkest places, and Jesus to people who desperately need Him. I want to be a part of something like that. I am so excited for the opportunity to live in community again and to be constantly surrounded by people who are passionate about our sweet King Jesus and the people He so desires to see brought back to life in His Name!

I am confident that Kerusso is a crucial step in the way Papa is leading me. I know He has called me to full time mission overseas. I don't know where that means I'll be in 6 months after the school or in 5 years down the road. I don't really have a plan right now. Of course, if you know me even a little bit, you know I probably have some cockamamie idea swirling around in my head... :) But I am so excited to just take Jesus hand and walk this way with Him!

If you've made it all the way to the end of this, thank you! I'd like to ask you to please pray about partnering with me financially for this school. I thought that I was going to be able to pay for the tuition and travel expenses by working full time this fall and winter, but you know how life goes sometimes... And I'm learning to trust God to provide again! So if God puts it on your heart to give financially, you can give through my home church (Labish Center Community Church, 7114 Labish Center Rd NE, Salem, OR 97305) or to me directly (Katy Flanigan, PO Box 21207, Keizer OR 97307).
But even more than that, please partner with me in prayer. There is no possible way I will be able to succeed in this school or in future ministry without my friends, my family, praying for me. I have tons of reminder pictures that you can stick on your fridge or in your Bible or wherever! All I know is that I can do nothing without God and the encouragement that comes from knowing people are interceding for me.

Thank you again to everyone who supported me during my DTS last year and who helped me and encouraged me this year! I couldn't have done it without you.
Be blessed, fam. Cheers.