Friday, July 10, 2015
YWAM Financial Support Info
Thank you for investing in me and the work God is doing in the UK, Scotland, and the nations! Here is the information for financial giving:
As a staff volunteer with Youth With A Mission, I am responsible for raising personal monthly support. My goal is to raise $1500 a month to cover staff fees, housing costs, food, travel expenses, and outreach fees. YWAM has a base in Tyler, TX that serves as a donation center for staff. They can process checks or they have the ability to set up an automatic monthly withdrawal if that is easier for you. You can contact them and they will provide you with the form to set up the donation. If you would like to send a check it should be made out to YWAM and mailed to PO Box 3000, Garden Valley, TX 75771-3000. Due to IRS regulations they ask that you not put my name anywhere on the check, but instead include a separate note with my name. However, if you use a banking bill payment service, then my name does need to be on the check. YWAM Tyler's accounting department's phone number is 903-509-5302. If you are as confused as I am, you can always ask my CPA mom (thanks mom!!), or Labish Center Church has offered to receive donations as well at 7114 Labish Center Dr NE, Salem, OR 97305, and you can also set up an automatic bill pay with them. Their phone number is 503-393-4554.
I also have a paypal account, paypal.me/katyflanigan
My address in Oregon is: PO Box 21207, Keizer, OR, 97307
My Scotland address is:
Katy Flanigan
The Seamill Centre
9 Glenbryde Road
West Kilbride
KA23 9NJ
Scotland
Thank you for your prayers, financial support and encouragement. None of this would be happening if it weren't for you!
Dry Rot House
June 2, 2015
I’m afraid I’ve wasted my time.
In fact, I know I have.
The worst part is — there’s no going back now.
There’s no going back and staying true to my word.
There’s no going back and saying the words you should have heard.
I can’t go back and turn off the tv.
I can’t go back and peel my eyes off my phone’s screen.
I can’t wish my way back to opportunities.
I can’t go back and pretend I was present.
I can’t even look back and say I’ve been pleasant.
There have been so many days where I’ve wasted my time
And honestly, it is such a crime.
“Tomorrow I’ll do better” just joins in the rhyme
Of do’s and don’ts and this and that’s and dreams and sighs.
The desire is there
The follow-through just is not.
I’ve been plagued by self-inflicted apathy
Poisoned by pride and bound up by distrust
I can say all the right words
I can show up and what’s expected…
When it’s absolutely necessary.
I’ve become a house full of dry rot —
Slowly falling apart from the inside out
Crumbling away but giving no signs
That these walls aren’t secure
That the person living within this dry rot ridden house
Isn’t the same as the enemy living without
I hate to confess this, to bring it to the light
But it’s the only way I know how
To make things right.
I’ve let my heart grow calloused and cold
This hardness of heart has left me bitter
I cut myself off from the Life-giving Source
I set up idols and I’ve gone astray.
I’ve been struck in the face by my own humanity
Broadsided by my total depravity
My selfish nature, my foolish pride
Just fed the rotting inside
If I am a house, then I’ve forgotten
That I’m also a home.
I’ve slowly been closing the blinds
Forgetting that there is a world outside
That desperately needs Jesus.
I make lame excuses and hide behind my tired mind.
I hide deeper in my decaying house
And mourn the fact that time just keeps flying by.
But as I am hiding, I hear a knock on the door.
I know Who it is, but I’m still scared
But I don’t know what for.
I open the door and dust falls away
And there it all is, my rust and decay.
I’m scared to look up, to see His face,
But He rushes inside and holds me tight
A big goofy smile illuminating
The darkness of my place.
He quickly scans the dirt and debris
Then whispers in my ear,
“Let’s clean this place up.
Let’s rebuild and renew and restore.
I want to fill it to the brim with Me.”
The musty old rotting house, full of debris,
Has become a home for a heart set free.
Jesus took out the rotten boards
He cleaned out the dust
He opened the blinds
Apathy and pride He swept out the door
And His perfect love cast out all my fear
He held me again so I could hear His heart beat.
I heard His joy and laughter —
The song He sings over me
With love in His eyes
He leans down and whispers once more,
“All you have is time.
Go, bind up the brokenhearted,
Lead home the lost and the blind.
You are a herald for Truth.
Declare my love and my Kingdom
To those who don’t yet know they’re Mine.
Your inhearitance is joy and peace and love divine.”
So now I can walk in freedom
Not bound by regret or shame
I know that I will fail and fall
But my Jesus will lift me up again
There is no time to waste
For the harvest is plentiful
The need is great
So forgetting what is behind
And straining toward what is ahead
I press on to take hold of that
For which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
I’m afraid I’ve wasted my time.
In fact, I know I have.
The worst part is — there’s no going back now.
There’s no going back and staying true to my word.
There’s no going back and saying the words you should have heard.
I can’t go back and turn off the tv.
I can’t go back and peel my eyes off my phone’s screen.
I can’t wish my way back to opportunities.
I can’t go back and pretend I was present.
I can’t even look back and say I’ve been pleasant.
There have been so many days where I’ve wasted my time
And honestly, it is such a crime.
“Tomorrow I’ll do better” just joins in the rhyme
Of do’s and don’ts and this and that’s and dreams and sighs.
The desire is there
The follow-through just is not.
I’ve been plagued by self-inflicted apathy
Poisoned by pride and bound up by distrust
I can say all the right words
I can show up and what’s expected…
When it’s absolutely necessary.
I’ve become a house full of dry rot —
Slowly falling apart from the inside out
Crumbling away but giving no signs
That these walls aren’t secure
That the person living within this dry rot ridden house
Isn’t the same as the enemy living without
I hate to confess this, to bring it to the light
But it’s the only way I know how
To make things right.
I’ve let my heart grow calloused and cold
This hardness of heart has left me bitter
I cut myself off from the Life-giving Source
I set up idols and I’ve gone astray.
I’ve been struck in the face by my own humanity
Broadsided by my total depravity
My selfish nature, my foolish pride
Just fed the rotting inside
If I am a house, then I’ve forgotten
That I’m also a home.
I’ve slowly been closing the blinds
Forgetting that there is a world outside
That desperately needs Jesus.
I make lame excuses and hide behind my tired mind.
I hide deeper in my decaying house
And mourn the fact that time just keeps flying by.
But as I am hiding, I hear a knock on the door.
I know Who it is, but I’m still scared
But I don’t know what for.
I open the door and dust falls away
And there it all is, my rust and decay.
I’m scared to look up, to see His face,
But He rushes inside and holds me tight
A big goofy smile illuminating
The darkness of my place.
He quickly scans the dirt and debris
Then whispers in my ear,
“Let’s clean this place up.
Let’s rebuild and renew and restore.
I want to fill it to the brim with Me.”
The musty old rotting house, full of debris,
Has become a home for a heart set free.
Jesus took out the rotten boards
He cleaned out the dust
He opened the blinds
Apathy and pride He swept out the door
And His perfect love cast out all my fear
He held me again so I could hear His heart beat.
I heard His joy and laughter —
The song He sings over me
With love in His eyes
He leans down and whispers once more,
“All you have is time.
Go, bind up the brokenhearted,
Lead home the lost and the blind.
You are a herald for Truth.
Declare my love and my Kingdom
To those who don’t yet know they’re Mine.
Your inhearitance is joy and peace and love divine.”
So now I can walk in freedom
Not bound by regret or shame
I know that I will fail and fall
But my Jesus will lift me up again
There is no time to waste
For the harvest is plentiful
The need is great
So forgetting what is behind
And straining toward what is ahead
I press on to take hold of that
For which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
Poetry is like Poison
June 21, 2015
Well, I’ve done it again
I’ve read all your lines
And now I’ve got to
Clear out this clouded mind
There’s really no rhyme or reason
There’s no rules or chains
These words are just flowing
Like my breathing
But from my brain
How do words grab your heart
and stir up your spirit?
They cut so deep
And tear you apart
You can’t make it stop
You can’t keep them out
The syllables and consonants
Are vocal and loud
Poetry is like poison
But also the best remedy
When thinking gets too deep
And emotions just won’t let you be
Well, I’ve done it again
I’ve read all your lines
And now I’ve got to
Clear out this clouded mind
There’s really no rhyme or reason
There’s no rules or chains
These words are just flowing
Like my breathing
But from my brain
How do words grab your heart
and stir up your spirit?
They cut so deep
And tear you apart
You can’t make it stop
You can’t keep them out
The syllables and consonants
Are vocal and loud
Poetry is like poison
But also the best remedy
When thinking gets too deep
And emotions just won’t let you be
Jesus is Bigger
May 28, 2015
In the last week, I’ve written my soon-to-be Scottish home address on the back of about 100 prayer cards. The more I write it, the more real it becomes. I’m moving to Scotland. This is the real deal.
Some days I let discouragement, fear, doubt, and, quite frankly, pure unbelief take over. How in the world is this going to happen? I only have 10 weeks left in Oregon?!?! Is this really Jesus’ leading? What am I doing? I forget the excitement, anticipation, joy, and adventure that should be literally exploding out of every pore of my being. This is going to happen. There is plenty of time. And when God leads and speaks and guides, He always provides. “With man this is impossible, but not so with God. With God all things are possible.”
I am so excited. I’m learning how to rise above “feeling” and move into just plain old belief. Do I still trust Jesus even when my circumstances say there’s no way? He is so much bigger. He is so much better.
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” 1 Thess. 5:16–24
In the last week, I’ve written my soon-to-be Scottish home address on the back of about 100 prayer cards. The more I write it, the more real it becomes. I’m moving to Scotland. This is the real deal.
Some days I let discouragement, fear, doubt, and, quite frankly, pure unbelief take over. How in the world is this going to happen? I only have 10 weeks left in Oregon?!?! Is this really Jesus’ leading? What am I doing? I forget the excitement, anticipation, joy, and adventure that should be literally exploding out of every pore of my being. This is going to happen. There is plenty of time. And when God leads and speaks and guides, He always provides. “With man this is impossible, but not so with God. With God all things are possible.”
I am so excited. I’m learning how to rise above “feeling” and move into just plain old belief. Do I still trust Jesus even when my circumstances say there’s no way? He is so much bigger. He is so much better.
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” 1 Thess. 5:16–24
Stumbling Along with Crazy
December 31, 2014
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever actually make it to where I want to go. As I stumble into this New Year, I can’t help but wonder when I will be on a smooth path again. As I turn the page on my calendar and forget what year it is on my journal entries and checks (it’s still 2011, right?), my steps are most certainly just that — a stumbling. The last few months have been up and down, filled with hurdles and mud and detours and delays. The road has not exactly been smooth. It’s been exciting, for sure, and absolutely an adventure, but I feel a bit battered and beat up, to be completely honest.
But praise the sweet Lord, He has grace that is sufficient for our weakness, and His mercy is new every morning. Because seriously, if it wasn’t for Him… I don’t even want to think about it.
2014 was nuts, and every month was crazier than the last. 8 countries, 3 continents, 7 months of living out of suitcases and crashing on way too many peoples’ couches like a nomad, and 12 months of seeing God show up and provide in the most unexpected ways. I feel like the crazy hasn’t stopped for a moment to take a breath. I wonder if Crazy gets as tired as I do. Maybe he’s a professional marathon runner and that’s why I can’t seem to keep up with him. It would explain a lot.
I hope and pray that 2015 will be a year of rest and green pastures. All of these mountain heights and valley lows are starting to wear on my tired soul. There’s nothing quite as invigorating as reaching the top of a mountain and being able to look back at all you overcame to get there, and there’s certainly lessons and growth found in the depths of the valley, but sometimes the rest and peace found in the green pastures between the two are what we really need.
But most importantly, whether or not I am resting by the still waters in green pastures, I just want to know Jesus more. I want to see Him in every second of every day. I want to be completely overwhelmed by His beauty and grace. I want to live out of the rest and intimacy of His presence. And I want the world to know Him, too. He is so good, you guys. He is so good.
I have felt the isolation and loneliness of re-entry from the mission field to home. I’ve known the joy of ministering hand-in-hand with Jesus in the nations and at home. I’ve struggled with fear, doubt, anxiety, depression, and feeling like a waste of space. But I’ve encountered a God of such love and joy that those things have to just fade away and disappear. I’ve felt the inexpressible joy of being lost in His presence, the elation of seeing wandering, lost children find their home in Him, the hope of a captive soul being set free. And it has been worth it all because Jesus is worth it all.
I have been thinking about this idea a lot the last few days: we can have as much or as little of God as we want.
So, bring on the mountains and valleys. Bring on the detours and hurdles and the seasons of quickening and abundance. Bring on the new, bring on the crazy, bring on the laughter and the tears. Jesus, take me to and through whatever gets me more of You.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever actually make it to where I want to go. As I stumble into this New Year, I can’t help but wonder when I will be on a smooth path again. As I turn the page on my calendar and forget what year it is on my journal entries and checks (it’s still 2011, right?), my steps are most certainly just that — a stumbling. The last few months have been up and down, filled with hurdles and mud and detours and delays. The road has not exactly been smooth. It’s been exciting, for sure, and absolutely an adventure, but I feel a bit battered and beat up, to be completely honest.
But praise the sweet Lord, He has grace that is sufficient for our weakness, and His mercy is new every morning. Because seriously, if it wasn’t for Him… I don’t even want to think about it.
2014 was nuts, and every month was crazier than the last. 8 countries, 3 continents, 7 months of living out of suitcases and crashing on way too many peoples’ couches like a nomad, and 12 months of seeing God show up and provide in the most unexpected ways. I feel like the crazy hasn’t stopped for a moment to take a breath. I wonder if Crazy gets as tired as I do. Maybe he’s a professional marathon runner and that’s why I can’t seem to keep up with him. It would explain a lot.
I hope and pray that 2015 will be a year of rest and green pastures. All of these mountain heights and valley lows are starting to wear on my tired soul. There’s nothing quite as invigorating as reaching the top of a mountain and being able to look back at all you overcame to get there, and there’s certainly lessons and growth found in the depths of the valley, but sometimes the rest and peace found in the green pastures between the two are what we really need.
But most importantly, whether or not I am resting by the still waters in green pastures, I just want to know Jesus more. I want to see Him in every second of every day. I want to be completely overwhelmed by His beauty and grace. I want to live out of the rest and intimacy of His presence. And I want the world to know Him, too. He is so good, you guys. He is so good.
I have felt the isolation and loneliness of re-entry from the mission field to home. I’ve known the joy of ministering hand-in-hand with Jesus in the nations and at home. I’ve struggled with fear, doubt, anxiety, depression, and feeling like a waste of space. But I’ve encountered a God of such love and joy that those things have to just fade away and disappear. I’ve felt the inexpressible joy of being lost in His presence, the elation of seeing wandering, lost children find their home in Him, the hope of a captive soul being set free. And it has been worth it all because Jesus is worth it all.
I have been thinking about this idea a lot the last few days: we can have as much or as little of God as we want.
So, bring on the mountains and valleys. Bring on the detours and hurdles and the seasons of quickening and abundance. Bring on the new, bring on the crazy, bring on the laughter and the tears. Jesus, take me to and through whatever gets me more of You.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
The rain fall soft upon your fields and, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Don't Be Afraid.
November 27, 2014
The biggest lie we can tell ourselves is that we have enough time; so don’t be afraid — no one else has enough time either. Speak, love, give.
I was reading in Matthew 10 tonight. It’s a crazy chapter, and if we take it literally, could be one of the most radical passages of scripture in the Bible. Before chapter 10 starts, Jesus says in Matthew 9:37–38, “Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send workers into the harvest field.” And then basically chapter 10 is a really big pep talk given to the 12 disciples before Jesus sends them out “like sheep among wolves”.
The message He sends them with is simple — the kingdom of heaven is near. The actions he tells them to perform are signs of uncontainable love — heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the leper, cast out demons. The reason He gave for doing all of this was pure and unselfish (and it is also what He did for us because of His relationship with His Father) — freely you have received, now freely give. He promises them provision and safety and that the Holy Spirit would speak through them when they got stuck in a tough spot. He warned them ahead of time that their families would think they were crazy, that they would be persecuted, hated, and disowned, yet He told them not to be afraid. Instead, He told them to speak all the more, to proclaim and shout it out from the rooftops — the kingdom of heaven is near.
Not only were they to perform all of these incredible signs and wonders, not only were they to preach such a message of hope even in places they were not wanted, not only were they to give and give and give even if they had nothing left, not only were they to trust an invisible God in the midst of life-threatening trials and not be afraid but to rejoice in the persecution and rejection of their friends, families, and communities — no, not even all of that was enough — they must love Him more than their families and friends so it seemed as if they hated their earthly loved ones, and they must be willing to bear a cross for His sake. They had to be willing to give it all up and to die or else they were not worthy of Him.
As I was reading these things, I was convicted of my own fear, my own failure, my own apathy and lack of commitment and surrender. I was convicted of my lack of faith to see the kingdom of heaven come through me. I was convicted of my selfish love, the love I have only when it serves me to love someone else. I was convicted of the fear I have of disappointing my family because of the decision I have made to try to live out Matthew 10.
And last night, I was reading Romans 7, a passage I used to think was so confusing, but now resonates deep in my heart (“For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do… I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but…)
I want so badly to live for Jesus with every fiber of my being. I want to be so in love with Him that I can’t help but love others in every way I possibly can. I want to have such a concrete faith in His goodness that I never doubt or have fear. I want to be so confident in who I am in Him that I have the boldness to walk up to someone and speak life over them without being afraid of what they might think because it is what is on His heart for them, and so it’s what is on my heart, too.
The biggest lie I tell myself is that I have enough time. I don’t. Let’s face it, none of us do. I tell myself there is plenty of time to do something God told me to do… There’s enough time to give it all up, so, really, I can just let go piece by piece… There’s enough time to have that conversation with someone, so I’ll do it another time when I feel more inspired and courageous. Guys. We don’t have enough time. They don’t have enough time. We can’t be afraid anymore. We have to speak. We have to love. We have to give. “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent?”
Oh Jesus! Forgive us! Forgive me! Forgive me for praying and saying I would go and then not going! Forgive me for saying that I would give it all and then holding back! Forgive me for speaking words I would never follow through on! Forgive me for praying for boldness and then running away when I was given an opportunity! Forgive me for forgetting the cost of Your precious blood. Forgive me for being selfish with what I have received. Forgive me for being silent when I should have been speaking. Forgive me for every time I said I trusted You and then gave into fear. Forgive me for being afraid of disappointing people. Forgive me for my apathy and my laziness. Forgive me for not keeping the main thing the main thing. Forgive me for the idolatry and selfishness of my heart. Forgive me for thinking there was enough time.
Oh Papa. That I would be so filled with You… That I would be so lost in the beauty of Your presence… That I would be so filled and overwhelmed by Your love that I could not hold back from giving every drop of it to even one person. I lay it all back at Your feet. All is for Your glory; all is for Your name. You’re beautiful. You’re worth it all. I will be Your laid-down lover — all for Your name, Your glory and honor. I will give it all for You.
Later, in chapter 11, Jesus says, “the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing and forceful men lay hold of it…” and I would dare to say He says this same thing to us, but whispers at the end, “… so don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid to let go. Don’t be afraid to give into this, this beautiful, crazy, radical, adventurous, mysterious, satisfying life of the kingdom. It is so worth it. Don’t worry about what people might say. I know they love you and they think they know what’s best for you, but trust Me — our Father knows what’s really best for you. They look at the outward appearance of people and situations, but the Lord looks at the heart and sees the big picture. His eye is on the sparrow, and He knows when each one falls to the ground. You are worth so much more than the sparrows, so don’t be afraid! Look at these promises I have given you. The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it. Don’t be afraid to lose your life for My sake because I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Only in Me will you truly find life. I am inviting you, welcoming you, to a life in the kingdom of heaven. It’s a life that seems risky and dangerous and foolish, but that’s because it is. But it’s the best kind of dangerous — the kind that changes the world, right here, right now. Don’t be afraid to walk in obedience. It really doesn’t matter what the other people in the room might say; live your life only to please our Father. Risk your life and find it, just don’t be afraid. Go, cross the borders, learn the languages, live in the villages, spend your last penny, put your hand on the plow and don’t look back. But remember to come to Me when you are weary and feel burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. So don’t be afraid.”
The biggest lie we can tell ourselves is that we have enough time; so don’t be afraid — no one else has enough time either. Speak, love, give.
I was reading in Matthew 10 tonight. It’s a crazy chapter, and if we take it literally, could be one of the most radical passages of scripture in the Bible. Before chapter 10 starts, Jesus says in Matthew 9:37–38, “Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send workers into the harvest field.” And then basically chapter 10 is a really big pep talk given to the 12 disciples before Jesus sends them out “like sheep among wolves”.
The message He sends them with is simple — the kingdom of heaven is near. The actions he tells them to perform are signs of uncontainable love — heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the leper, cast out demons. The reason He gave for doing all of this was pure and unselfish (and it is also what He did for us because of His relationship with His Father) — freely you have received, now freely give. He promises them provision and safety and that the Holy Spirit would speak through them when they got stuck in a tough spot. He warned them ahead of time that their families would think they were crazy, that they would be persecuted, hated, and disowned, yet He told them not to be afraid. Instead, He told them to speak all the more, to proclaim and shout it out from the rooftops — the kingdom of heaven is near.
Not only were they to perform all of these incredible signs and wonders, not only were they to preach such a message of hope even in places they were not wanted, not only were they to give and give and give even if they had nothing left, not only were they to trust an invisible God in the midst of life-threatening trials and not be afraid but to rejoice in the persecution and rejection of their friends, families, and communities — no, not even all of that was enough — they must love Him more than their families and friends so it seemed as if they hated their earthly loved ones, and they must be willing to bear a cross for His sake. They had to be willing to give it all up and to die or else they were not worthy of Him.
As I was reading these things, I was convicted of my own fear, my own failure, my own apathy and lack of commitment and surrender. I was convicted of my lack of faith to see the kingdom of heaven come through me. I was convicted of my selfish love, the love I have only when it serves me to love someone else. I was convicted of the fear I have of disappointing my family because of the decision I have made to try to live out Matthew 10.
And last night, I was reading Romans 7, a passage I used to think was so confusing, but now resonates deep in my heart (“For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do… I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but…)
I want so badly to live for Jesus with every fiber of my being. I want to be so in love with Him that I can’t help but love others in every way I possibly can. I want to have such a concrete faith in His goodness that I never doubt or have fear. I want to be so confident in who I am in Him that I have the boldness to walk up to someone and speak life over them without being afraid of what they might think because it is what is on His heart for them, and so it’s what is on my heart, too.
The biggest lie I tell myself is that I have enough time. I don’t. Let’s face it, none of us do. I tell myself there is plenty of time to do something God told me to do… There’s enough time to give it all up, so, really, I can just let go piece by piece… There’s enough time to have that conversation with someone, so I’ll do it another time when I feel more inspired and courageous. Guys. We don’t have enough time. They don’t have enough time. We can’t be afraid anymore. We have to speak. We have to love. We have to give. “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent?”
Oh Jesus! Forgive us! Forgive me! Forgive me for praying and saying I would go and then not going! Forgive me for saying that I would give it all and then holding back! Forgive me for speaking words I would never follow through on! Forgive me for praying for boldness and then running away when I was given an opportunity! Forgive me for forgetting the cost of Your precious blood. Forgive me for being selfish with what I have received. Forgive me for being silent when I should have been speaking. Forgive me for every time I said I trusted You and then gave into fear. Forgive me for being afraid of disappointing people. Forgive me for my apathy and my laziness. Forgive me for not keeping the main thing the main thing. Forgive me for the idolatry and selfishness of my heart. Forgive me for thinking there was enough time.
Oh Papa. That I would be so filled with You… That I would be so lost in the beauty of Your presence… That I would be so filled and overwhelmed by Your love that I could not hold back from giving every drop of it to even one person. I lay it all back at Your feet. All is for Your glory; all is for Your name. You’re beautiful. You’re worth it all. I will be Your laid-down lover — all for Your name, Your glory and honor. I will give it all for You.
Later, in chapter 11, Jesus says, “the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing and forceful men lay hold of it…” and I would dare to say He says this same thing to us, but whispers at the end, “… so don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid to let go. Don’t be afraid to give into this, this beautiful, crazy, radical, adventurous, mysterious, satisfying life of the kingdom. It is so worth it. Don’t worry about what people might say. I know they love you and they think they know what’s best for you, but trust Me — our Father knows what’s really best for you. They look at the outward appearance of people and situations, but the Lord looks at the heart and sees the big picture. His eye is on the sparrow, and He knows when each one falls to the ground. You are worth so much more than the sparrows, so don’t be afraid! Look at these promises I have given you. The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it. Don’t be afraid to lose your life for My sake because I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Only in Me will you truly find life. I am inviting you, welcoming you, to a life in the kingdom of heaven. It’s a life that seems risky and dangerous and foolish, but that’s because it is. But it’s the best kind of dangerous — the kind that changes the world, right here, right now. Don’t be afraid to walk in obedience. It really doesn’t matter what the other people in the room might say; live your life only to please our Father. Risk your life and find it, just don’t be afraid. Go, cross the borders, learn the languages, live in the villages, spend your last penny, put your hand on the plow and don’t look back. But remember to come to Me when you are weary and feel burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. So don’t be afraid.”
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