This is Home.

I attempted to go on a run tonight. It's beautiful out - really warm, clear, and there's a little warm breeze. The stars are out. Well... I made it for about 5 minutes. Pathetic really. I would so rather spend 2 hours on weights or climb a mountain or ANYTHING besides run. I just can't do it.

Oh. A side note before this goes further... I got two gifts in the mail today! I am blessed to now be $90 closer to Brussels! Praise God!

So... When I decided that it was a stupid idea to be running, I laid out in the middle of the road. There is something so incredibly freeing when you are completely vulnerable sprawled out on warm cement. And, as I lay there staring up at the stars, I saw the Little Dipper. It was upside down and looked like it was pouring out onto the world below it. I was praying, trying to clear my head from a hectic, stressful day. I asked God what He wanted to tell me. I was drawn to the Little Dipper, and I think God was just trying to encourage me. "I want to bless you. You are doing what I want you to do. Just like this dipper, I am going to pour out my blessings on you. Things might not be easy or simple, but trust Me because I have great things planned for you. I clothe the lilies of the field and feed the birds of the air. I will provide for you. Continue to seek me out. Seek first My kingdom and all these things will be given to you. Don't worry about the earthly things. Keep looking for My heart and you will find it. Let Me take care of you. There is nothing impossible for Me."

Thanks, Little Dipper, for being out tonight. And thanks, 22nd Avenue, for still being warm from the sun. And thanks, God, for speaking to me tonight.

Even still, sitting in the road looking at all of the oh-so-familiar scenery, my stomping grounds, my heart ached. I don't want to leave this behind. This is my home away from Home. This is where I feel like I belong. I'm comfortable here. I know this place, these people. I'm scared to leave. I don't want to go out into the unknown on my own. There's so much that I don't want to let go. There are people I don't want to leave behind.

But at the same time, I can't wait. I can't wait for the adventure. I can't wait for new places and people. New stories, new scenes. I want to open my wings and fly. I want to try something on my own. I want to see if I can really do this. Without my friends, without all of the fallbacks that I've had for the last forever.

I wish that I could write this story for myself. It wouldn't look like this. I would be taking my closest friends and it would be just like home only on another continent. But. Then I'm glad that I'm not writing this one. It wouldn't compare to what God has already written.

I guess I'm scared but excited. Eager but reserved. Held in but ready to burst out. This is hard. I'm so torn up inside.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.