hmmm. I've been inspired to blog again... So this is what you get :)
So much has changed since the first of this amazing year of 2012. I am confident. I am filled to the brim, overflowing, with joy. I know what I am doing with my life. Okay. Just kidding on that last one... There's a few areas I'm completely confused on. Oh well. That's part of growing up. But! I know what I'm doing until probably literally this exact day in 2013. I have no idea what will happen next year... But that's totally fine with me! God seems to enjoy taking control of my plans and making them better than what I ever imagined possible. He is my confidence and my joy. I am starting to let myself be satisfied completely with His love.
You know when you are at the edge of a dock and just your toes are touching the water? Then slowly you let your whole foot go in. You pull it out really fast because it's cold (or....you're scared of the evil little fishies that are scheming the harsh removal of your pinky toe.... Maybe that's just me.) Then you return your foot back into the water apprehensively while you watch your best friends having the time of their lives as the cool, clear water surrounds their bodies and flows through their hair. But you continue to sit there, being burned by the scorching sun. You long to let yourself jump in, long to let the water refresh you. Something inside you says, "don't do it. The water is too cold. It's dirty. You don't know what's in there." while your friends are laughing and saying, "get in here! You're missing out!"
By now the water is halfway up your calf. Finally, you stand up and walk to the other end of the dock. You tell yourself that it will be worth it. You've felt the way the water swirls comfortably around your ankles. It's not as cold as you think. After the hard mental battle, you take a deep breath and start to run. Your heart beats faster and, as you leap as far as you possibly can, you close your eyes and hold your breath in preparation for the arctic ice of which you just allowed yourself to become a victim.
As soon as you break through the surface, the sound of friends laughing and cheering you on in your ears, you feel refreshed as the warmer-than-you-thought water envelops you. You become lost in the warm embrace of the dark waters. For a moment, everything is still. You sink, slowly allowing your body to come out of it's cannonball position. You hold your breath as long as you can. Then you start kicking toward what you think is the surface. Your head breaks through the surface, and the sun greets you with a warm ray while your friends swim toward you.
At the moment, all worries of the cold and scary water creatures melt away like an ice cube on hot cement. Regret for not jumping in sooner makes an appearance in your mind, but is quickly chased away by the feelings of relief from the hot sun and the joy of pure happiness. The rest of the perfect summer afternoon is spent in sweet laughter as you float about with the people you love.
I think this what I am doing right now. I am just barely experiencing the fullness of God's love. My toes have only felt the water. I know that letting go and jumping in will be worth it. I have friends encouraging me to dive in. I have tasted and known that the Lord is good. Now I just have to take that last running step, allow myself to cannonball into His love, and feel His waves and breakers sweep over me.
I think it's time for a swim.
