Dry Rot House

June 2, 2015

I’m afraid I’ve wasted my time.
In fact, I know I have.
The worst part is — there’s no going back now.
There’s no going back and staying true to my word.
There’s no going back and saying the words you should have heard.

I can’t go back and turn off the tv.
I can’t go back and peel my eyes off my phone’s screen.
I can’t wish my way back to opportunities.
I can’t go back and pretend I was present.
I can’t even look back and say I’ve been pleasant.

There have been so many days where I’ve wasted my time
And honestly, it is such a crime.
“Tomorrow I’ll do better” just joins in the rhyme
Of do’s and don’ts and this and that’s and dreams and sighs.
The desire is there
The follow-through just is not.

I’ve been plagued by self-inflicted apathy
Poisoned by pride and bound up by distrust
I can say all the right words
I can show up and what’s expected…
When it’s absolutely necessary.

I’ve become a house full of dry rot —
Slowly falling apart from the inside out
Crumbling away but giving no signs
That these walls aren’t secure
That the person living within this dry rot ridden house
Isn’t the same as the enemy living without

I hate to confess this, to bring it to the light
But it’s the only way I know how
To make things right.
I’ve let my heart grow calloused and cold
This hardness of heart has left me bitter
I cut myself off from the Life-giving Source
I set up idols and I’ve gone astray.

I’ve been struck in the face by my own humanity
Broadsided by my total depravity
My selfish nature, my foolish pride
Just fed the rotting inside
If I am a house, then I’ve forgotten
That I’m also a home.

I’ve slowly been closing the blinds
Forgetting that there is a world outside
That desperately needs Jesus.
I make lame excuses and hide behind my tired mind.
I hide deeper in my decaying house
And mourn the fact that time just keeps flying by.

But as I am hiding, I hear a knock on the door.
I know Who it is, but I’m still scared
But I don’t know what for.
I open the door and dust falls away
And there it all is, my rust and decay.
I’m scared to look up, to see His face,
But He rushes inside and holds me tight
A big goofy smile illuminating
The darkness of my place.
He quickly scans the dirt and debris
Then whispers in my ear,
“Let’s clean this place up.
Let’s rebuild and renew and restore.
I want to fill it to the brim with Me.”

The musty old rotting house, full of debris,
Has become a home for a heart set free.
Jesus took out the rotten boards
He cleaned out the dust
He opened the blinds
Apathy and pride He swept out the door
And His perfect love cast out all my fear

He held me again so I could hear His heart beat.
I heard His joy and laughter —
The song He sings over me
With love in His eyes
He leans down and whispers once more,

“All you have is time.
Go, bind up the brokenhearted,
Lead home the lost and the blind.
You are a herald for Truth.
Declare my love and my Kingdom
To those who don’t yet know they’re Mine.
Your inhearitance is joy and peace and love divine.”

So now I can walk in freedom
Not bound by regret or shame
I know that I will fail and fall
But my Jesus will lift me up again
There is no time to waste
For the harvest is plentiful
The need is great

So forgetting what is behind
And straining toward what is ahead
I press on to take hold of that
For which Christ Jesus took hold of me.