Freedom from Negativity. And a bit about Elephants.

The last few weeks I have been struggling with negativity and a complaining spirit. I've been struggling the last few months actually. It has mostly just been in my thoughts, but I have noticed it coming out more and more in my conversations with friends and family. All the good things in my life have been getting drowned out by my constant complaining about everything. And I have been having an incredibly hard time shaking off these new-found pessimistic tendencies. Not going to lie though, the last 6 months since I got home from my DTS have been incredibly difficult with a lot of ups and a lot of downs. 

The thing is, I used to hardly ever complain. I don't like being around people who complain. I have always tried to be as positive as possible, whether it is about a personal situation or a friend's circumstances. There's no point in being a pessimist. Life is too short to be a Moaning Myrtle. So, as I've been doing some self-reflection, I have not enjoyed seeing these things in me. 

At least step one is completed: recognize and accept the fact that you have a problem. Check. But what is step two? How do you get free from a negative mindset? I really hate all of the negativity inside of me. Besides for the fact that God tells us to "rejoice in the Lord always" and to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus," (oops), I also know that being negative is not good for me as a human being. We, as a human race, have been learning more and more the importance of having good mental health. Thinking positive really does have more of an affect on us than we admit. And I have been beating myself up with my thoughts for months and months. Negativity and pessimism also has a damaging effect on our spiritual lives as we are spiritual beings. Over and over again the Bible tells us the only way to approach the throne of grace with confidence is to enter His courts with thanksgiving because He has done great things for us. When I have accepted the complaining and negative spirit, how can I honestly expect to communicate with the Holy Spirit? I am pretty sure Jesus doesn't speak the languages of Whine or Self Pity. 

I realized that this issue was deeply rooted in selfishness on my part. Life has not exactly gone the way I wanted or expected, so obviously it's okay for me to throw a fit and doubt God's goodness. He is always good. The thing is, God's goodness in my life far outweighs all the other stuff that I have allowed to shadow it. Once I gave into the selfishness (basically me trying to claim control over my life which I have already given to Jesus' full control...), of course I would become unhappy - losing my joy and peace. For some reason, I keep forgetting that my life is hidden in Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The desire of my old self, the dead self, is to have control again and to have things work out the way I want them to for my own happiness. But the desire of my new self is to just let Jesus have it. Because why not?? His ways are higher than my ways, and the plans that He has made for me are good. I'm so forgetful, but He always reminds me that He is the only one who brings me peace. 

So I have been praying the last couple of weeks that God would free me from the chains of this negativity and to give me the freedom that comes from living a life of thankfulness! It's been a really hard struggle for me. One of the staff members from my DTS, a beautiful woman of God - Nele, challenged us to never say anything negative about anything - not the weather, our hair, anybody else on the team, the slowness of others. Nothing. That, my friends, is incredibly more difficult than you may think. I figured that would be a good place to start in my desperate search for freedom from this nasty darkness I have been living in the last few months. It is really hard for me to not speak out the complaints in my head, but I've been working on it. Instead of complaining, I have begun to speak out the good in situations because there are usually more good things than bad in pretty much every situation I find myself. It has helped quite a bit. 

On Tuesday night I got to go to an outdoor worship night with my favorite worship bands in Knoxville, TN. I went with my friend Graham from my DTS. It was fantastic. Most of the songs were about breaking chains and finding freedom again in Christ. It was just what I needed. Jesus broke so many of the chains that the devil had ensnared me with for months. It was incredible. I felt so free afterwards. But not only was this negative spirit a chain, it was a habit. And breaking from bad habits is the pits. This last week I have been praying that God would help me break from this habit. Last night, Jesus spoke to me. 

I was writing in my prayer journal, and I couldn't stop saying thank you! I literally couldn't. I was suddenly overwhelmed by gratitude for everything. I had to stop writing so I could just sit in God's presence in thankfulness. I was about to turn off the light when the Holy Spirit showed me a picture and taught me something about spiritual bondage. I rarely see pictures so it blew me away, and I had to start writing again!

I saw a picture of a full grown elephant tied to a tree. I was reminded of something that I had heard a long time ago: in India (and other countries where they train elephants), they chain baby elephants to trees. They use thick, heavy chains so the baby won't escape. The trainers leave them chained as long as it takes for the elephants to calm down and stop trying to escape. The elephants soon learn that weight on their leg means they are trapped. Eventually, as the elephant grows, the trainers switch the heavy chains for light ropes. The elephant still believes it is not strong enough to escape even though, with one quick motion, it could free itself. 

I am the elephant. We are all elephants. We all have things restraining us, spiritual chains on our spirits that keep us from loving God with all we are. But how easy it really is to break free! We are covered by the blood of the Lamb, we are new creations in Christ! The sinful nature has no control over us anymore! Satan isn't really a lion - he is a mouse with a megaphone. He distracts us and blows things out of proportion. He is the king of lies and deceit, but my King, King Jesus, is the Father of Light. He alone is the Way, the Truth and the Life. In Him, and Him alone, is freedom and peace. He longs for us to realize that, with Him and through His grace, we can have life and have life to the fullest. The things holding us back are merely thin pieces of thread compared to His redeeming love. Do not be deceived anymore. 

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." - Galatians 5:1